I'll have a lot more to say sometime this week when I get around to posting, but for now I am suuuuuper tired. Very late night on Friday (up until 5am!!!) and then up this morning at 5:30 to get downtown for my race.
10 miles in 1:21:17. That's around an 8:08 min/mile. I'll take it :)
Showing posts with label 133. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 133. Show all posts
Disgusting
I was 133.8 pounds this morning. I was 129.8 pounds last Friday.
How did I gain 4 pounds in one week? I'll tell you how. Eating.
I am going to fast today. (Tea, coffee, a bit of juice, and water until this evening - I am having company, so I'll have a few bites of the food I'm making). I am going to fast all day tomorrow too, and then on to Christmas lunch on Sunday afternoon. I was trying to make 125 by Christmas. Then, I thought 127 would be more doable. Now, even under 130 seems like a dream.
I have to be under 130 by Sunday.
I have to be 125 by next Friday.
FML. I was doing so well. I need to go back to my apartment and be able to control my what food is in my house and when and how much I eat of it. Being with my parents is torture in that respect.
Even though my leg hurts, I am going to run 4-6 miles right now. I ran yesterday (4.5) but then I ate the special gluten-free, vegan pizza that my mom made me.
I'm so sorry girls.
How did I gain 4 pounds in one week? I'll tell you how. Eating.
I am going to fast today. (Tea, coffee, a bit of juice, and water until this evening - I am having company, so I'll have a few bites of the food I'm making). I am going to fast all day tomorrow too, and then on to Christmas lunch on Sunday afternoon. I was trying to make 125 by Christmas. Then, I thought 127 would be more doable. Now, even under 130 seems like a dream.
I have to be under 130 by Sunday.
I have to be 125 by next Friday.
FML. I was doing so well. I need to go back to my apartment and be able to control my what food is in my house and when and how much I eat of it. Being with my parents is torture in that respect.
Even though my leg hurts, I am going to run 4-6 miles right now. I ran yesterday (4.5) but then I ate the special gluten-free, vegan pizza that my mom made me.
I'm so sorry girls.
Drama
I have a bunch of family drama going on right now. My parents have decided to cut me off financially (which is fine, I'm 24, and it's not like they were paying my rent or anything - they offered to cover my car insurance while I am in school and I'm a few months behind on my cell phone bill) and essentially emotionally.
I feel like my family just broke up with me.
Didn't run yesterday or today. I'm sluggish, sad, and I strained part of my right leg anyway.
This feels exactly like when Juan broke up with me all that time ago. They've totally broken me and I don't know who I am now.
FML.
At least I was 133.2 this morning. Weight loss will be the only good thing to come of this.
To clarify - my mother and I have not been getting along well lately. Both of us are quite stubborn and don't like to be wrong. I however, accept that there is more than one point of view in this world and that my parents have different views than I do. My mother told me yesterday that the thinks I am completely selfish and using my parents. I was just home for the weekend and she EXPLODED at me on my way out the door when I said that I didn't think it was that cold outside. She says I contradict everything she says and I am spoiled. She constantly tells me I need to humble myself.
What this boils down to is my mom, in my entire life, a. is always right, b. never apologizes, and c. never makes an effort to calmly address problems when they are small. She waits for a whole pile of issue to accrue and then a huge arguments ensues.
Here is the email I sent her, after not contacting her for a few days following Saturday morning's fight because I didn't know what to say:
Sarah,
I am accepting your rejection as your solution to our problem. I will not try again to contact you. I feel utterly used by you, as does your father. You assumed he would pay for and do your oil change and did not even offer to repay him for the cost of the oil etc. There will no longer be any financial support coming your way. I am done with sacrificing for your comfort. I get the $16 haircut to be able to send you money and you get the $50 cut. Something is wrong here and it will stop. You are not entitled to anything. We support you out of love for you, but it's time for tough love. I will not be paying your car insurance or your phone bill anymore. If you do not send the $48 or whatever it is each month, we will take your phone off of our account. You owe us $980 and we expect to be paid. Installments are fine, but you need to start settling your debt.
If and when you have a change of heart and can humble yourself for once, we can talk. Otherwise, I really have nothing to say that will change the situation.
Mom
I then proceeded to call her to try and figure out what is going on. As for the issues mentioned in the email, specifically the oil change - I asked my dad how much money I owed him and he said he'd look at the the receipts (mind you he had offered to change it when I came home for Thanksgiving). He never told me and went to work for two days and I did not see him before I returned to school. As for the haircut. My mom has short hair too - she gets her hair cut every 4-6 weeks for $16. Thats approximately 8 times per year, totaling approximately $130. I get mine cut every 12-14 weeks even with short hair at $40 a cut. That's 4 times per year at $160. I don't really see a huge difference there. As for the car insurance, my parents offered to pay it while I was in school and I gladly accepted and have been thankful. My parents lent me half of the money for my security deposit ($980) that I told my mom I would pay back ASAP. I told her a few weeks ago I would write a check for some of it, and I kind of forgot. I apologized for not sending it sooner, but I sent them a check yesterday for the whole thing. I also sent them the voided original check I had written and put in an envelope three days ago. Anyway, my mom just kept telling me that I am selfish and ungrateful and stubborn and that I am doing all of these things wrong. The only two things that my mom has any right to be on my case about is that I a. have not found a church to attend down here and b. I do give my family a hard time about their really unhealthy diets. Most of you know that I am a vegan. My parents eat really unhealthily and are both very overweight - my older brother who still lives at home, is too. I have tried to be nice and encouraging in the past, but it doesn't do anything. I am worried that both of my parents will die due to obesity-related issues and no one seems to care but me. I tried to explain to her that I don't expect them to financially support me and have been very thankful. I also don't think that doing nice things for someone gives you the reason to try and control them. She can't make my choices for me and in general I think I live a life that makes my parents proud. Then she hung up on me and I sent my dad a flurry of Facebook messages.
I also need to say that when I am doing something wrong, the time to tell me is when it is happening in a calm way instead of waiting for a ton of stuff to pile up and then explode, which is what mom always does. I can remember a handful of times when mom has threatened to leave our family and not be our mother anymore because she is over the edge. I remember telling Heather Lundon that my mom was going to leave our family and she gave me her lunch money because she thought I would be poor! Instead of waiting for things to get to this point, why can't we just discuss it like adults. Mom never asked if her check was in the mail, which honestly, I sort of forgot about until last week (and I wrote a check when I got home, which you will see when you get it in the mail). Mom never asked me about church until the email she finally wrote me when I didn't speak to her for a month. She never asked me for money for my cell phone, not even once. She says I don't need an expensive phone, and that's fine, but this is the first time I have ever heard her say that. She never said that she's feeling stressed or finds me self-centered and inconsiderate. She never mentioned that is was difficult for her to afford the car insurance (that she offered to pay for, I didn't ask, and I have been very thankful that you were paying it). I do not live an extravagant lifestyle. She just explodes. How am I supposed to react to that? And when she explodes, of course I immediately go into defense mode. Wouldn't you? She says I am never wrong, well we are awfully similar. Are arguments continue because we don't see eye to eye and neither of us believes that we are wrong. The only way I am different is that most of the time, I can at least see where mom is coming from since I understand her strict values. When it comes to all of this stuff, since this is the first I am hearing of it, I do have a hard time validating her anger.
So now you all have a better idea of what is going on. It's a total mess. My mom is just being totally irrational and hurtful. I feel completely heart broken that my parents think I am so awful and such a disappointment. And my dad and brother will always back up my mom. She's never wrong. The whole thing is just crazy.
I feel like my family just broke up with me.
Didn't run yesterday or today. I'm sluggish, sad, and I strained part of my right leg anyway.
This feels exactly like when Juan broke up with me all that time ago. They've totally broken me and I don't know who I am now.
FML.
At least I was 133.2 this morning. Weight loss will be the only good thing to come of this.
To clarify - my mother and I have not been getting along well lately. Both of us are quite stubborn and don't like to be wrong. I however, accept that there is more than one point of view in this world and that my parents have different views than I do. My mother told me yesterday that the thinks I am completely selfish and using my parents. I was just home for the weekend and she EXPLODED at me on my way out the door when I said that I didn't think it was that cold outside. She says I contradict everything she says and I am spoiled. She constantly tells me I need to humble myself.
What this boils down to is my mom, in my entire life, a. is always right, b. never apologizes, and c. never makes an effort to calmly address problems when they are small. She waits for a whole pile of issue to accrue and then a huge arguments ensues.
Here is the email I sent her, after not contacting her for a few days following Saturday morning's fight because I didn't know what to say:
Sarah,
I am accepting your rejection as your solution to our problem. I will not try again to contact you. I feel utterly used by you, as does your father. You assumed he would pay for and do your oil change and did not even offer to repay him for the cost of the oil etc. There will no longer be any financial support coming your way. I am done with sacrificing for your comfort. I get the $16 haircut to be able to send you money and you get the $50 cut. Something is wrong here and it will stop. You are not entitled to anything. We support you out of love for you, but it's time for tough love. I will not be paying your car insurance or your phone bill anymore. If you do not send the $48 or whatever it is each month, we will take your phone off of our account. You owe us $980 and we expect to be paid. Installments are fine, but you need to start settling your debt.
If and when you have a change of heart and can humble yourself for once, we can talk. Otherwise, I really have nothing to say that will change the situation.
Mom
I then proceeded to call her to try and figure out what is going on. As for the issues mentioned in the email, specifically the oil change - I asked my dad how much money I owed him and he said he'd look at the the receipts (mind you he had offered to change it when I came home for Thanksgiving). He never told me and went to work for two days and I did not see him before I returned to school. As for the haircut. My mom has short hair too - she gets her hair cut every 4-6 weeks for $16. Thats approximately 8 times per year, totaling approximately $130. I get mine cut every 12-14 weeks even with short hair at $40 a cut. That's 4 times per year at $160. I don't really see a huge difference there. As for the car insurance, my parents offered to pay it while I was in school and I gladly accepted and have been thankful. My parents lent me half of the money for my security deposit ($980) that I told my mom I would pay back ASAP. I told her a few weeks ago I would write a check for some of it, and I kind of forgot. I apologized for not sending it sooner, but I sent them a check yesterday for the whole thing. I also sent them the voided original check I had written and put in an envelope three days ago. Anyway, my mom just kept telling me that I am selfish and ungrateful and stubborn and that I am doing all of these things wrong. The only two things that my mom has any right to be on my case about is that I a. have not found a church to attend down here and b. I do give my family a hard time about their really unhealthy diets. Most of you know that I am a vegan. My parents eat really unhealthily and are both very overweight - my older brother who still lives at home, is too. I have tried to be nice and encouraging in the past, but it doesn't do anything. I am worried that both of my parents will die due to obesity-related issues and no one seems to care but me. I tried to explain to her that I don't expect them to financially support me and have been very thankful. I also don't think that doing nice things for someone gives you the reason to try and control them. She can't make my choices for me and in general I think I live a life that makes my parents proud. Then she hung up on me and I sent my dad a flurry of Facebook messages.
I know you told mom that I didn't offer to pay for my oil/filter. That isn't true. I asked you how much and you said you'd look at the receipt and let me know, then you went to work for two days and I didn't hear anything about it. I didn't expect you to change it, you offered. Tell me how much I owe you and I will write you a check. Please try to mail that book today. It's expensive and I do not have the extra money to buy a new one for the library.
I am beyond frustrated with my parents saying that I am ungrateful, spoiled, and have a bad attitude. I was nothing but helpful when I came home for Thanksgiving. Yes, I owe you and mom money, but she said I could pay it in installments and I had a check written and in an envelope. I voided it and am sending the full amount. Additionally, as I have explained to mom many times, I have no problem paying my cell phone bill or car insurance, she offered to pay the insurance and REFUSES to let me know when my bill is due. I gave her a bunch of stuff to sell on ebay over the past year that has covered my bill and she has not mentioned it until today. As soon as I can I will get off the family plan and besides the fact that the car belongs to you and I am still on your health insurance, I will not owe you any more money. I will find out how much the insurance is through my school and get on that or just have you drop me altogether. Mom complains about me being entitled and I think its unfair to offer to help someone and then constantly harp on them or think you can control them. I left in a flurry on Saturday morning because mom was screaming at me, and contrary to what she insists, she told me that I had to leave. Therefore, I left two towels and Lulu's dishes in my room. I'm sorry for leaving them, I forgot as I was rushing out the door. Mom says she has to make sacrifices like haircuts for me. Mom gets her hair cut every 4-6 weeks at $16. I get a $40 hair cut every 14 weeks. She insists that I will never admit that I am wrong, but I don't see how I am here. Every argument turns into this huge melting pot of 100 issues that get dragged up. I can't handle it.
Instead of trying to encourage me in my life, she wants the satisfaction of me admitting my every defeat. I don't think that is a loving attitude. She doesn't remember what she says to me when we argue and insists that I put words in her mouth. The ONLY legitimate argument that she has here is that I haven't found a church yet. And instead of simply asking me about it in a rational way, she drags it into an argument which makes me push back.
As soon as I am physically able, I will be completely financially independent. I won't visit unless I am invited, and you won't have to worry about my personal life whatsoever. Since every decision I make is apparently wrong in your eyes, its not worth discussing.
I am sorry for being such a disappointment.
I was wrong in not paying you back sooner and for not keeping track of my bills.
I was wrong in not giving you the money for the filter.
I was wrong in not finding a church already.
And additionally, I concede that I am wrong in the way I express my disapproval of what you eat. As I tried to explain to mom, to no avail, I have tried to encourage you to eat healthy and no one seems to care. I consider your physical health something that is pretty important. Recently I have been critical, and that isn't good.
I could care less about being cut off financially. I'll figure it out and it's just part of adult life. That's no big deal. I do care, however, that my parents think I am so manipulative and evil as to "use" them and essentially want to cut me out of their lives emotionally. I disagree that my behavior has ever warranted such a thing. I'm not perfect, but neither are the two of you. I don't know what else I need to apologize for the two of you to be satisfied here. If you want me to admit defeat, I have. My attitude, that mom is so unhappy with, is an attitude of gratitude and hard work. I work hard in school and try to live a good life to please you. I am not ungrateful for what I have and where I am. Me disagreeing about the temperature, trying to get you to eat healthier, and forgetting about my phone bill do not negate that. I am amazed that all of the good things I have done at your daughter apparently mean nothing to you. You have officially wounded me to the core, which I hope was not your intention. I have always taken great comfort in the fact that my family is loving and supportive. Right now, this "tough love" that you cite is not love at all. It is manipulation. You have emotionally broken me. You win. If you want to discuss this further and not let it remain this way, feel free to contact me. I will not be reaching out except to tie up the loose ends of my finances. I cannot handle the emotional stress of this every day.
A quick little note
Luckily, I did not gain over the Thanksgiving holiday home. I am somewhere between 133-134. 131.8 after my 6.2 mile run this morning. Ran 7 on Thanksgiving morning with me friend. I have been diligently reading, but as the semester comes to an end, I have a ton of schoolwork and tests to wrap up. Just three more weeks and I'll be finished up, with plenty of time for running, crafting, and blogging.
I hope all is well with my lovely ladies. Please don't be discouraged. You are beautiful. I've been seeing so much depression and despair around here and tumblr, and it makes me scared that one of you (most of you are like my little sisters, since I'm one of the oldest around here, and I truly care and worry) will do something horribly regretful.
I hope all is well with my lovely ladies. Please don't be discouraged. You are beautiful. I've been seeing so much depression and despair around here and tumblr, and it makes me scared that one of you (most of you are like my little sisters, since I'm one of the oldest around here, and I truly care and worry) will do something horribly regretful.
Down a little bit more
132.6 after my run today - the lowest number I have seen in ages. That puts my real weight somewhere between 133.8-134.8 or so. Getting under 130 by Christmas seems totally doable now. If I can hit 125 by the time I go to California for New Year's Eve, I will be thrilled.
Thank you for all the well-wishes for my night out on Tuesday. I met my friends at a tapas place, and my friend and I ordered a small sauteed mushroom tapas and a pitcher of sangria to share. I ate very lightly during the day, so it worked out really well. The sangria was enough to get me buzzed and I did not gain any weight in the morning.
We were supposed to go running, but it rained all day. Instead, we went to Trader Joe's and the Asian market, where I stocked up on produce ($.99/lb persimmons and 20 for $1.00 clementines!). We went to DSW, where I found my Saucony Kinvara2 shoes on sale for $50!
The last time I bought them, I paid somewhere right around $90, so I was thrilled. My current pair have another 75-100 miles left in them still but I know I won't be able to find them cheaper anywhere else. They are a minimalist shoe but more substantial than the Nike Free Run+ shoes I loved before this. I went through two pairs of Nike Frees and found they were not holding up for my half-marathon training. These have been great - I recommend them to anyone without major pronation problems who is looking for less cushy than a traditional shoe but on the more substantial end of the minimalist scale.
After shoe shopping, we went to a Lebanese place for lunch (for breakfast, I made us oatmeal, and made her double the amount I made for me) and I had unsweetened tea, a small salad and a cauliflower pita. For dinner I made lentil and vegetable stew. The only naughty things I ate on Wednesday were a few pieces of baklava (my weakness) and a few pieces of chocolate. Yesterday was a good day eating-wise, again except for a few pieces of chocolate, but I managed to still lose a little and the chocolate is gone now.
Today will be a light eating day again, yogurt and fruit for breakfast, rice cakes for a snack, a small bowl of lentil soup, and steamed veggies of salad for dinner. The only thing that would be better is if I could have run on both Wednesday and Thursday, but the rain ruined that.
This weekend I have to edit a group paper and catch up on some reading and other schoolwork, and then I guess I am going home for Thanksgiving. I really don't want to, to tell you the truth, but my parents want me to come home.
I hope everyone is doing well and can breathe a big sigh of relief that is is Friday! I hope you all have a lovely, low-calorie, exercise-induced endorphin-rushed weekend...
Thank you for all the well-wishes for my night out on Tuesday. I met my friends at a tapas place, and my friend and I ordered a small sauteed mushroom tapas and a pitcher of sangria to share. I ate very lightly during the day, so it worked out really well. The sangria was enough to get me buzzed and I did not gain any weight in the morning.
We were supposed to go running, but it rained all day. Instead, we went to Trader Joe's and the Asian market, where I stocked up on produce ($.99/lb persimmons and 20 for $1.00 clementines!). We went to DSW, where I found my Saucony Kinvara2 shoes on sale for $50!
After shoe shopping, we went to a Lebanese place for lunch (for breakfast, I made us oatmeal, and made her double the amount I made for me) and I had unsweetened tea, a small salad and a cauliflower pita. For dinner I made lentil and vegetable stew. The only naughty things I ate on Wednesday were a few pieces of baklava (my weakness) and a few pieces of chocolate. Yesterday was a good day eating-wise, again except for a few pieces of chocolate, but I managed to still lose a little and the chocolate is gone now.
Today will be a light eating day again, yogurt and fruit for breakfast, rice cakes for a snack, a small bowl of lentil soup, and steamed veggies of salad for dinner. The only thing that would be better is if I could have run on both Wednesday and Thursday, but the rain ruined that.
This weekend I have to edit a group paper and catch up on some reading and other schoolwork, and then I guess I am going home for Thanksgiving. I really don't want to, to tell you the truth, but my parents want me to come home.
I hope everyone is doing well and can breathe a big sigh of relief that is is Friday! I hope you all have a lovely, low-calorie, exercise-induced endorphin-rushed weekend...
Not so lazy Saturday
Yesterday was an odd day - I was just in such a weird mood. I think most of that was due to the fact that I was supposed to go running with my friends at 3:30 and I normally run in the morning. So, since I was waiting, I just felt yucky. I was 133.8 when I woke up, which is good. My mood just tanked in the afternoon, so I bailed on my friend and walked to the library instead, which is a 4.5 mile round-trip walk. I ate well during the day, maybe a bit too much but very healthily. Then, I got home and my roommates had people over.
Instead of just being satisfied with a diet soda (thank goodness I had enough sense to not waste me calories on alcohol) I had chips and guacamole - my roommate made it just for me, since she knows I am vegan and trying gluten-free. Then, someone made some sort of fried green bean thing. I had a bunch and there is no way they are any healthier than a french fry. I felt disgusting when I went to bed. I chugged two glasses of water in hopes that it would help balance out the awful amount of food and sodium I had consumed.
This morning, I was 136.2 when I first woke up. I deserved it and my eyes teared up when I saw it on the scale. Instead of losing all hope, I drank a little water and ran 8 miles. I was 133.8 upon my return.
Food today has consisted of a relatively hearty breakfast - 3T steel cut oats, 1T dried cranberries, a handful of hazelnuts, and a chopped up asian pear with a glass of soy milk. I had a few snap pea crisps and then a late lunch, just now - broccoli slaw, tofu, kale, 1/2 an avocado in an orange marmalade/tamari/rice vinegar sauce. Nothing too fancy, I have to cook in my microwave. Basically, all veggies for lunch, which is good. I may have a mango ice pop for a snack later and if I feel hungry, a simple salad for dinner. I'm trying to be normal and not count up all of the calories. I know I burned somewhere just shy of 900 calories on my run, so I am going to do my best to just hydrate and not stress too much about my eating.
It is amazing how sometimes we have really good days, and sometimes really bad ones. I am glad today is one of the better days I've had in a while.
I think I am going to spend the rest of my afternoon drinking tea and knitting. It's chilly and overcast and I honestly do not feel like going anywhere. Perhaps if my boyfriend was here I would want to go walk around town or catch a movie... but he is not :(
I hope everyone is already enjoying their weekends. Thank you all for your support, as always.
xoxoxo
Instead of just being satisfied with a diet soda (thank goodness I had enough sense to not waste me calories on alcohol) I had chips and guacamole - my roommate made it just for me, since she knows I am vegan and trying gluten-free. Then, someone made some sort of fried green bean thing. I had a bunch and there is no way they are any healthier than a french fry. I felt disgusting when I went to bed. I chugged two glasses of water in hopes that it would help balance out the awful amount of food and sodium I had consumed.
This morning, I was 136.2 when I first woke up. I deserved it and my eyes teared up when I saw it on the scale. Instead of losing all hope, I drank a little water and ran 8 miles. I was 133.8 upon my return.
Food today has consisted of a relatively hearty breakfast - 3T steel cut oats, 1T dried cranberries, a handful of hazelnuts, and a chopped up asian pear with a glass of soy milk. I had a few snap pea crisps and then a late lunch, just now - broccoli slaw, tofu, kale, 1/2 an avocado in an orange marmalade/tamari/rice vinegar sauce. Nothing too fancy, I have to cook in my microwave. Basically, all veggies for lunch, which is good. I may have a mango ice pop for a snack later and if I feel hungry, a simple salad for dinner. I'm trying to be normal and not count up all of the calories. I know I burned somewhere just shy of 900 calories on my run, so I am going to do my best to just hydrate and not stress too much about my eating.
It is amazing how sometimes we have really good days, and sometimes really bad ones. I am glad today is one of the better days I've had in a while.
I think I am going to spend the rest of my afternoon drinking tea and knitting. It's chilly and overcast and I honestly do not feel like going anywhere. Perhaps if my boyfriend was here I would want to go walk around town or catch a movie... but he is not :(
I hope everyone is already enjoying their weekends. Thank you all for your support, as always.
xoxoxo
Another good morning
Woke up this morning around 7:30, took an online quiz for my epidemiology course, put on my new Lululemon shorts (via ebay at a decent discount) and hit the pavement for a nice six miles. The wind was really strong but the sun was shining, the sky blue, and the temperature perfect. I hopped on the scale after my run to see 133.6. Granted, that's my dehydrated weight, so I probably am really sitting at about 134.6-8. Regardless, I am thrilled. Even though it's still too high, I'm ready to see that number keep falling.
For breakfast, 3T steel cut oats, 1T cranberries, 2T hazelnuts, and a splash of soy creamer. Not sure of the calories, but I know I burned about 650-700 on my run this morning according to my heart monitor, and I know my breakfast was not even close to that much. Afterward I rehydrated with 1/2 glass of coconut water ~45 calories and water. I'm feeling good about today. Maybe the weather change is making me want to just drinking more tea and coffee and just not eat so much? I always have trouble losing weight in the summer, but find myself more focused in the fall/winter/spring. I have no idea why that makes any sense.
Thank you so much for all of the compliments on my hair! It is just a fun change. I will rock it for a bit and then I will be happy to be back to my sunny blonde locks.
I made Juan some "mounds" bars last night. I had one - they are delicious... a mixture of coconut, brown rice syrup, powdered sugar, vanilla, organic coconut-oil-based shortening all coated in chocolate. I got the recipe from Babycakes Covers the Classics. I checked out a bunch of gluten-free, vegan cookbooks from the county library a while back because I am trying very hard to avoid wheat, since it makes me feel really sluggish and gives me a tummy ache. I have been doing very well lately - no wheat, dairy, eggs, meat, and generally animal derivatives, like gelatin - with the exception of honey - in my diet makes me feel so much better, is better for the environment, and prevents me from loading up on bad-for-you foods. While it may not be easy at first and my not work for everyone, it works wonderfully for me.
I hope everyone is having a good week. Today is a low-key day for me... no class until 4:30, then Grey's Anatomy (yes I still watch it! It is the only show I watch) is on tonight. Tomorrow, I am meeting my friend in the city and we will run an easy four or five miles around the national mall (for those of you know know nothing about Washington, DC, the national mall is basically this biiiiiig lawn that stretches from the Capitol building - where the congress meets - to the Lincoln memorial). Then, I have a biostatistics test tomorrow night at 7pm. I really think it will not be too hard. I had a study group yesterday and I seem to understand the material. I just hope my teacher based the test mostly off of the lecture and homework material and not the other parts of the chapters that we did not discuss in class.
Oh, I am fairly certain my brother is shipping off tonight. He is in the Navy and will be on a submarine. He cannot say exactly when he is leaving and I have no idea where he will go, but I will not hear from him until January. Say a little prayer for him, if you believe in it.
Alright, I am rambling. I think I need to make some goals for the rest of the year. I need to start thinking about Christmas presents too. Running, studying, and knitting need to be my top three priorities.
Have a lovely day. Thanks for reading my crazy rambles!
For breakfast, 3T steel cut oats, 1T cranberries, 2T hazelnuts, and a splash of soy creamer. Not sure of the calories, but I know I burned about 650-700 on my run this morning according to my heart monitor, and I know my breakfast was not even close to that much. Afterward I rehydrated with 1/2 glass of coconut water ~45 calories and water. I'm feeling good about today. Maybe the weather change is making me want to just drinking more tea and coffee and just not eat so much? I always have trouble losing weight in the summer, but find myself more focused in the fall/winter/spring. I have no idea why that makes any sense.
Thank you so much for all of the compliments on my hair! It is just a fun change. I will rock it for a bit and then I will be happy to be back to my sunny blonde locks.
I made Juan some "mounds" bars last night. I had one - they are delicious... a mixture of coconut, brown rice syrup, powdered sugar, vanilla, organic coconut-oil-based shortening all coated in chocolate. I got the recipe from Babycakes Covers the Classics. I checked out a bunch of gluten-free, vegan cookbooks from the county library a while back because I am trying very hard to avoid wheat, since it makes me feel really sluggish and gives me a tummy ache. I have been doing very well lately - no wheat, dairy, eggs, meat, and generally animal derivatives, like gelatin - with the exception of honey - in my diet makes me feel so much better, is better for the environment, and prevents me from loading up on bad-for-you foods. While it may not be easy at first and my not work for everyone, it works wonderfully for me.
I hope everyone is having a good week. Today is a low-key day for me... no class until 4:30, then Grey's Anatomy (yes I still watch it! It is the only show I watch) is on tonight. Tomorrow, I am meeting my friend in the city and we will run an easy four or five miles around the national mall (for those of you know know nothing about Washington, DC, the national mall is basically this biiiiiig lawn that stretches from the Capitol building - where the congress meets - to the Lincoln memorial). Then, I have a biostatistics test tomorrow night at 7pm. I really think it will not be too hard. I had a study group yesterday and I seem to understand the material. I just hope my teacher based the test mostly off of the lecture and homework material and not the other parts of the chapters that we did not discuss in class.
Oh, I am fairly certain my brother is shipping off tonight. He is in the Navy and will be on a submarine. He cannot say exactly when he is leaving and I have no idea where he will go, but I will not hear from him until January. Say a little prayer for him, if you believe in it.
Alright, I am rambling. I think I need to make some goals for the rest of the year. I need to start thinking about Christmas presents too. Running, studying, and knitting need to be my top three priorities.
Have a lovely day. Thanks for reading my crazy rambles!
Too excited to feel discouraged today
So clearly I have no achieved my sub-130 goal before my grand voyage to California. After my run I was 133.8 - the lowest I have been in some time, actually. While I may not have reached my true goal, I am honestly so excited for my travels tomorrow that I will not let it get me down.
I am also starting to think that perhaps my weight is not the best gauge of my thinness (or lack there-of). Although I am certainly not as thin, particularly in the waist, as I was when I hit 129ish in December, my waist this morning was about 25 ¾ inches, which is similar to what I was then. I have been working out, lifting weights, and running so faithfully over the past year or so. And finally, we have a "progress photo" that we can compare to these. I think my legs are slimmer, but basically all I have done is put on muscle. I was hovering around 130 in those photos. Ugh, I don't know!!!! Sorry the color is bad and the photo is blurry - bad lighting + taking a picture via a mirror is a bad combination.
At 5:50pm EST tomorrow, I will be well on my way to sunny Souther California to see my love :) Can't want to tell you all about it. Fill your tummies with good-for-you veggies and get your tushies off the couch!!!
I am also starting to think that perhaps my weight is not the best gauge of my thinness (or lack there-of). Although I am certainly not as thin, particularly in the waist, as I was when I hit 129ish in December, my waist this morning was about 25 ¾ inches, which is similar to what I was then. I have been working out, lifting weights, and running so faithfully over the past year or so. And finally, we have a "progress photo" that we can compare to these. I think my legs are slimmer, but basically all I have done is put on muscle. I was hovering around 130 in those photos. Ugh, I don't know!!!! Sorry the color is bad and the photo is blurry - bad lighting + taking a picture via a mirror is a bad combination.
Anyway, I hope everyone has a fabulous rest of their week and holiday, if you are celebrating the Fourth. I am not bringing my computer with me, so I will have a ton of commenting and reading to catch up on, as well as many photos to post.
At 5:50pm EST tomorrow, I will be well on my way to sunny Souther California to see my love :) Can't want to tell you all about it. Fill your tummies with good-for-you veggies and get your tushies off the couch!!!
Deep Breath
So the other day I was freaking out a bit.
I have been really good this week. Over the past month of so, I had put on several pounds. But this week, I have been exercising fervently (ran 5 miles on Sunday/Monday/Wednesday, took classes/ran 1-2 miles today and Tuesday) and eating less. My weight, after the gym this morning was 133.4. I know that if I keep myself on this roll, I will be under 130, possibly 125 by July 1, when I leave to meet Juan's family.
Oh, did I mention that?? I bought a plane ticket to California!
In other news, I have an interview tomorrow at the school where I have been coaching this season. They have an opening in their admissions office, and had interviewed a bunch of candidates and nearly offered the job to someone. Long story short, the headmaster was telling the other coaches that he wished I would be around next year to coach and one of them mentioned my plans to move to California ASAP. I emailed the headmaster to let him know that even though I do plan to move eventually, if I am gainfully employed here for the next year before getting married, I would love to coach next spring. In the end, they held off on offering that job to one of the candidates and I had a preliminary interview on Monday. Tomorrow, I am going in for a day-long session of interviews I am incredibly nervous, but also really hopeful about getting the position. I don't know the salary, but it may allow me to move on campus and live with the students and save all of my money for moving/wedding/school in the future. Juan keeps mentioning how excited he is to get married... I think the ring is really coming soon :)
I went shopping yesterday and bought two pairs of pants (skinny jeans and skinny cropped stretch pants) from the GAP both in a size 4. I know the Gap, J Crew, Banana, etc. are all major vanity sizers and that I don't belong in a size 4, but it did make me feel good. I want to get under 120 so I will wear a size 2.
Thank you to everyone who left me words of encouragement, it's exactly what I needed... Cinnamon, Dani, Ariana, Adeline, Cierra... and also thanks to those of you who are still reading and still following. I'm in a much better position to get caught up on reading and commenting these days.
And I know I've been saying this for a while, but I am going to post progress pictures. When I hit 129, I promise.
I have been really good this week. Over the past month of so, I had put on several pounds. But this week, I have been exercising fervently (ran 5 miles on Sunday/Monday/Wednesday, took classes/ran 1-2 miles today and Tuesday) and eating less. My weight, after the gym this morning was 133.4. I know that if I keep myself on this roll, I will be under 130, possibly 125 by July 1, when I leave to meet Juan's family.
Oh, did I mention that?? I bought a plane ticket to California!
In other news, I have an interview tomorrow at the school where I have been coaching this season. They have an opening in their admissions office, and had interviewed a bunch of candidates and nearly offered the job to someone. Long story short, the headmaster was telling the other coaches that he wished I would be around next year to coach and one of them mentioned my plans to move to California ASAP. I emailed the headmaster to let him know that even though I do plan to move eventually, if I am gainfully employed here for the next year before getting married, I would love to coach next spring. In the end, they held off on offering that job to one of the candidates and I had a preliminary interview on Monday. Tomorrow, I am going in for a day-long session of interviews I am incredibly nervous, but also really hopeful about getting the position. I don't know the salary, but it may allow me to move on campus and live with the students and save all of my money for moving/wedding/school in the future. Juan keeps mentioning how excited he is to get married... I think the ring is really coming soon :)
I went shopping yesterday and bought two pairs of pants (skinny jeans and skinny cropped stretch pants) from the GAP both in a size 4. I know the Gap, J Crew, Banana, etc. are all major vanity sizers and that I don't belong in a size 4, but it did make me feel good. I want to get under 120 so I will wear a size 2.
Thank you to everyone who left me words of encouragement, it's exactly what I needed... Cinnamon, Dani, Ariana, Adeline, Cierra... and also thanks to those of you who are still reading and still following. I'm in a much better position to get caught up on reading and commenting these days.
And I know I've been saying this for a while, but I am going to post progress pictures. When I hit 129, I promise.
Crunch time
So the weekend went completely to pot, with the rain and the holiday and not having enough to keep me busy.
Yesterday, the rain prevented me from my long run, so I ran 3.6 and this morning did 8.48. I am only eating fruits and veggies today (green smoothie - kale, various fruits, almond milk, ice, - fruit salad, jicama/broccoli slaw doused in lime and cayenne, dried mango and apple) and I feel really clean and refreshed. If I keep this up, I might just get to 130 by Friday.
Nothing really exciting is happening around her... just bought my camera this morning, so maybe I'll be posting more photos soon.
Thank you for continuing to comment around here. I've just been in a blogging funk and really haven't been as active...
Yesterday, the rain prevented me from my long run, so I ran 3.6 and this morning did 8.48. I am only eating fruits and veggies today (green smoothie - kale, various fruits, almond milk, ice, - fruit salad, jicama/broccoli slaw doused in lime and cayenne, dried mango and apple) and I feel really clean and refreshed. If I keep this up, I might just get to 130 by Friday.
Nothing really exciting is happening around her... just bought my camera this morning, so maybe I'll be posting more photos soon.
Thank you for continuing to comment around here. I've just been in a blogging funk and really haven't been as active...
Crunch time
Accomplishments so far:
- I ran Friday/Saturday/Today, with hills on each day. I have not been running very fast or far lately, but I'm working back into it. Tomorrow morning, I plan to do three miles.
- I am narrowing my school search.
Negatives:
- I have not worked on my budget yet, and my bank account is proof.
- I was 133.4 this morning - YUCK. Hopefully, since I ate light today and ran, I will be 132ish tomorrow.
Neutral:
- My fast went... ok... I drank lots of liquids yesterday and did not touch food until around 8pm. I had soup and bread (both homemade and not full of nasty un-pronounceable ingredients) and somehow still managed to gain overnight.
So tomorrow needs to be a better day. A smaller number on the scale and a bigger smile.
Sorry
Yesterday, I had a bit of salty food and so I was 134.
Today, I am trying to honestly crack down. I'm drinking coffee with almond milk now and had a teaspoon-ful of raw almond butter. I will have a small salad before I leave for work, but at work I am not going to eat anything.
Tomorrow, I will be lighter.
My friend arrives in less than two weeks and I am still not down to 130.
Weighed myself again - 133.6
I need some serious thinspo today...
The same...
Time for another push. I had a few days where I was a bit relaxed with my eating. I am still at 133.6 and need to loose at least 4-5 pounds before the first week of September. My friend from France, Pauline, is coming to stay visit me for three weeks then. She is so tiny and the last time I saw her I weighed a lot more than I do now. I want to finally be under 130 by the time she is here.
When I get home tonight I am going to check the weather forecasts to see what days might be "run-able." I am also going to be pet-sitting for 17 days and will magically neglect to bring much food. That way I can just hang out and enjoy some alone-time (I need to stock up on reading material and DVDs from the library) and concentrate on not eating. Seeing Pauline and anticipating my upcoming birthday are great motivation to keep losing.
Did I mention I adopted a new cat? Meet Louisette...
The family that had her just had another baby who is allergic to their dogs and cat. Therefore, they had to relinquish "Charcoal" to someone else, and that someone else happens to be me! She's a Snowshoe Siamese (kind of on the chunky side, with a stumpy tail and crossed eyes) and she is fitting in nicely. She really likes me and I really like having a cat of my own.
Je suis rentrée
I am terribly sorry for the absence, but I am finally back from my trip to California for the wedding. I forget how much I mentioned it on here, but my friend from graduate school hired me to bake for her wedding outside of Sacramento. My goal was to be 130 pounds or less by the time I left, but I only got down to about 131.8-132.6.
I weighed 133.6 this morning, which all things considered, is not completely horrible. Now, I just need to work extra hard to get down to the 120s.
As for the wedding - it was amazing! My friend, the bride, looked absolutely ravishing. Exhibit a.
My friend is so beautiful and slender. She was the loveliest bride I have ever seen.
My part of the wedding - the cake - came out awesome too! I will have photos soon. I made 100 red velvet cupcakes with vanilla bean buttercream, 100 carrot cake cupcakes with rum-soaked raisins and orange blossom cream cheese frosting, a 6-inch, 3 layer lemon cake with lemon buttercream and chocolate ganache, and an apple pie... and all of it was vegan! Everyone loved the cakes and as a whole, the wedding was a total success.
During the reception, Juan texted me to say that he really wanted me to come visit and that he would buy me a plane ticket for Sunday. I wish he hadn't procrastinated, because the fares out of Sacramento (he lives in OC) were $600 for the next day and he needed me to fly from SFO (which was impossible). It's such a shame, considering a. I invited him as my +1 and he could have loved the wedding, and b. I was only about 500 miles way, as opposed to my usual 3,000. We stayed in touch constantly the whole time I was there, he was acting so boyfriend-ly. Then, last night, he was all cranky and touchy. This is the part I hate. Why can't we just cut out all of this bullshit and be together? And why don't I have enough self-respect to stop him from stringing me along?
Anyway, I need to get my day going - I slept until 10am because I am jet-lagged and I should try to do something productive. Definitely no running today - the humidity is horrific. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Time for a little thinspiration...
Must keep going
133.2 this morning. I want to be at or under 132 by Saturday. A completely realistic goal if I continue my discipline.
The plan today... coffee this morning. I may have to go to the grocery store to get soymilk, I am really craving a latte. Salad for lunch, then I am working from 4-8, so I'll just have a piece of fruit and maybe a spoonful of peanut butter when I come home.
I finally feel inspired and powerful enough to keep losing. Who needs all of these extra calories? Certainly NOT me!
Tomorrow, my goal is to wake up early enough to get out for a run before it is 90° and 70% humidity. I just have such a hard time settling my brain and everything after I come home from work, so then I don't fall asleep until 12:30-1:00 and cannot manage to get out of bed at seven. Tomorrow, I will do it.
I just realized that I did not have comment notifications turned on! I am so sorry for not replying to the comments that some of you lovely ladies have been sweet enough to leave me! I think I have it figured out now...
Hmmm, so we had four bananas and I decided to make over-sized, vegan, gluten free banana muffins for one of my coworkers. I just had one - I wanted to ensure that they were edible, since I'm sharing. I'm going to take all but one to work, leaving the final one for my younger brother. This means, since I had a salad with hummus/arugula/fake chicken strips/cucumbers/roasted red peppers for lunch, I cannot eat when I come home. Perhaps one piece of fruit. Otherwise I am going to have coffee and water for the rest of the day. I can handle this. Tomorrow, I will have to fast because we're having a family dinner at 8:30pm. I'm definitely going for a run tomorrow morning...
The more I lose..
133.8 this morning, which is wonderful. Still absurdly heavy, but at least the trend is continuing downward. I am working a full eight-hour shift today, so I won't eat hardly a thing while I am there. Just some veggies and maybe a baby yogurt before I go.
I'll come back to update more when I get home... just wanted to share my good-ish news.
Moi
- désespérée de maigrir
- I hate: my weight. I love: being a vegetarian, France, tulips & poppies, anything by Paul Coehlo, baby animals, gin, knitting, dresses, kirs, cake decorating, Johnny Swim & Matt Nathanson, running, Casablanca, my best friends and family, and an amazing French man who makes everything in this world so much easier to take on