A set back

Where to begin?

As anyone who has read this blog with any regularity knows, my life this summer has been a tad bit busy.  I apologize for not updating more regularly, and more importantly, not commenting regularly. We are all in this together, encouraging those who need encouraging (particularly toward recovery) and giving love to those who need that too (no matter what sort of place they are in).

My weight right now is somewhat stable, but unfortunately it is not going down.  I know this is my own fault, as I have been eating enough to maintain (i.e. eating like a normal person, even mores, since this marathon training makes me so hungry!).  I hope that when I am done with this race, I will have the common sense and willpower, and decreased appetite to NOT continue eating like this, and with any luck, the weight will melt off more quickly thank usual.

Right now, in fact, I am laid up with an injury - tendinitis in my lower leg that began on Wednesday.  I took two solid days off, rester, wrapped, and iced, but yesterday I only got about a mile before it hurt again.  I am resting again today with hopes to run 3 miles tomorrow.  I was supposed to run 13.1 this morning and am supposed to run 20 next Sunday.  Hopefully, this is just a fluke and will go away quickly.  I really want to be able to finish my training and run this race.

I worked extra hours this week and even with the rest days I have been quite tired.  I woke up with a headache this morning and it has yet to go away, even with a  brief nap.  Fortunately, I did not waste my entire Sunday - I went to Trader Joe's and the asian grocery store (the BEST place for cheap produce) to stock up on my usual things (predominately produce - lots of stone fruits and melons in season right now- lettuce, cucumbers, kale, tofu, ya know, my standard low-cal vegan staples), managed to wash all of my bedding, and bake a birthday cake for my roommate who comes home tomorrow (I don't think I'll even have any, I don't want all of that sugar - if I do, a small slice, half-eaten will suffice).  Tonight, I have to do some work for my research assistantship and do some knitting.

Oh, in knitting news, I finished that cute yellow sweater I mentioned at some point.  I just need to get a decent photo of it.  I knit a moebius cowl for Jéanne that made its journey all the way to South Africa.  Then, I knit some surprises for Peri, and just mailed them off to New Zealand yesterday (I cannot tell what they are yet, she has not seen them!  With any luck, she'll take some photos or feature them in a vlog). With the leftover yarn from Lulu's daughter's tank top, I am knitting another one of the same sweaters for another friend of mine who has a daughter who is one-and-a-half.  I started a pair of socks for my grandmother for her 80th birthday at the beginning of September and I am also working on a wrap for my brother's fiancee for their wedding in November.  I want to get that all finished up so I can purchase yarn for a sweater for myself around my birthday next month.

Not sure if I have anything else to report on - my life is busy but not very exciting.  All of this training has left little time for worrying about the numbers on the scale and what I look like, fortunately.  I doubt the attitude will stick, but we can hope.  I am still hoping that even during the training this month I will lose some weight.  I am going to work hard on drinking protein smoothies for breakfast, preparing salads with extra protein for my dinner every night this week, getting my carbs during lunch and NOT snacking - it actually should not be too difficult, since I start babysitting again in the mornings and will be running around from place to place. I am honestly so tired of being at this weight, after having spent the last year five pounds less, and the first two months of the year hovering around 130.  I wanted to be 125 so long ago and have clearly not been dedicated enough to the cause.  Losing weight while marathon training is difficult and not terribly safe if you're not overweight, so I doubt much will happen until after September 30th.  After that, I think I will take a small break from running (and possibly eating) for a while.  We'll see.

It is incredibly strange to me, that if you (reading) were here in my every day life to witness how I eat and act, you would almost never know that I am so hung up on how heavy I am each day, how I scrutinize myself in the mirror every morning, and how I think so critically about every bit of food I eat, even if I continue to eat like a normal person.  How can all of this be in my head and not really show on the outside?  Sometimes I wish it would just take over and show on the outside a bit (or a lot).  I don't really know why.  Maybe because then I would actually be letting that part of my psyche take over and get something accomplished?  That does not sound very rational... who knows.

Be thankful

Bonsoir mes amies...

So much for me complaining about hitting a plateau. This morning, I was 129.2 before the race and 128.0 afterward. I hope this trend continues and I see 127 soon. Regardless, I feel a bit better about it now.

The race went well this morning. I finished in 26:22.95 and my goal was to break 27 minutes. As you can all imagine, I am pretty pleased with this as well :)

The past few days have been quite busy. Monday, I worked all day, as usual. Tuesday, I did some Christmas shopping in the morning (can you believe I am almost finished!) and started cooking for a Thanksgiving catering job. My office manager, who is also a vegetarian, did not really know what to serve at her Thanksgiving and just needed some help in general. So, I made her a vegan shepherd's pie, one dozen vegan chocolate cupcakes with chocolate buttercream, and a vegan pumpkin cheesecake with gingerbread crust. Everything came out amazing, thank goodness! I know it is a bit late, but perhaps you might want to use it in your holiday repertoire (those of you who need veggie-friendly holiday fare), but here is the recipe.

Vegan Shepherd's Pie

Sweet potatoes

Carrots

Red potatoes

Mushrooms

One sweet onion

TVP (texturized vegetable protein - you can find it in most health-food stores, it is dry and you rehydrate it)

Vegetable stock or bouillon

Liquid smoke

Low-sodium soy sauce

Vegan margarine

Vegan cream cheese (optional)

Plain, unsweetened almond milk

Maple syrup (the real stuff!)

I don't really have the amounts, because I don't cook that way, my apologies.

First, peel and chop the carrots and sweet potatoes and get them boiling in salted water. Next, wash and chop the red potatoes (leave the skins on) and set those to boil in salted water. Rehydrate the TVP according to the directions (usually about 1 cup dry TVP to 1 cup liquid) using vegetable stock, a few splashes of soy sauce, liquid smoke, and a touch of maple syrup. Taste it once it is hydrated and see if you want to add any additional seasoning (like salt, pepper, paprika, etc). Chop the onions (I do thin slices) and start sautéing them in a bit of vegan margarine. You want to keep the heat on medium so they brown but not burn, once they start to caramelize, chop the mushrooms and add them. As they cook, you may need to add a touch more margarine. I also added a splash of vegetable stock at the end to deglaze the pan. Now your onions/mushrooms and TVP are done! Check those potatoes - once both pots are done, turn them off and drain the potatoes and sweet potato/carrots. Mash the sweet potatoes and carrots using a bit of almond milk, maple syrup and perhaps a touch of dried ginger. I usually puree them with an immersion blender to try and get most of the lumps out. The red potatoes, however, I only smash with a bit of almond milk, lots of black pepper, and a spoonful of vegan cream cheese (omit to keep the calorie count down). Once all of the layers are prepared, get a large baking dish (casserole or deep pie dish) and layer. I put the sweet potato puree on the bottom, onions/mushrooms next, TVP, and smashed potatoes on top. Then, I bake it in the oven for about 20 minutes at 375°. Everything is already cooked, but it's nice to let the flavors meld and the top brown.

I will admit, I had a good sized helping of my shepherd's pie (I made another one for home) and three small glasses of wine. I hope I did not ruin my recent progress.

Thank you, everyone, for all of the extremely encouraging comments concerning both the sweater and the race today. I feel so blessed and thankful to be connected to such a sweet community of strong women. I know we all have your neuroses and areas of low self esteem, but we are here to support and show love for one another. You are all incredibly kind.

I feel a bit of a cold coming on (congestion and a headache - boo!) so I am off to comment all of the beautiful ladies who continue to show me such kindness before I fall asleep for the night.

Way too kind

Thank you, my loveliest of lovely ladies for all of the kind words on yesterday's post. Everyone had such nice things to say and it warms my little heart :)

I am still a little down about hitting some kind of plateau here, because I keep fluctuating between 129.something and 130.something every day. Today, 130.6. Ugh. I think I am going to possibly adjust my goal weight day, if by the end of the week I am not down to 128.

No running today - it's raining, raining, raining. I actually feel pretty lousy anyway, because I have cramps, even though it's not the right time for that.

I had coffee and a rice cake with one tablespoon almond butter and a bit of jam (45+90+20+20 = 175) for breakfast. Then, I just made lunch, and decided to make it my dinner meal, so I had veggie/tofu fajitas. According to the package, if made with chicken, one two-tortilla serving is 340 calories. I am going to assume my tofu version was about that or less. So, that puts me at 515 so far for today. A good place to stop, I think.

Hmmmm, the sweater is nearly finished! I will take photos as soon as it is done, I promise.

I also bought a super sexy pair of boots today :) I have been eyeing them for ages and this morning a 20% off coupon popped into my email. I took it as a sign.

I might bake cupcakes today, for my family and brother. If so, I will have one, only one. I have to stop eating so much.

I took a few more photos this morning... should I put them up?

Another day

130.0. I am still totally unsatisfied. I need to step it up, because now I only have 16 days to lose five pounds.

Tomorrow, I am hoping to be under 130. I ran 3.5 miles this morning and had a salad for breakfast (arugula, baby romaine, 5 Morningstar Chik'n strips, 1 small granny smith apple, roaster red pepper slices, sunflower kernels and home-made vinaigrette) with a glass of cider. After that, the only things I have had are some cookie dough (I baked for a friend - that story is coming momentarily) and pomegranate seeds. I am going to weigh myself before I go to work in a bit to see where I am right now.

I know I mentioned my friend who was going to buy me a pair of shoes. Long story short, he did buy them and he's mailing them tomorrow I think. Anyway, he ran the NYC ING Marathno on Sunday - his first marathon ever - and finished 26th! 2:26:39!!! I am so incredibly proud of him and I baked him cookies since I cannot congratulate him in person. That is insane, and it makes me feel like such a slacker that I can barely run four 10-minute miles.

Tonight, I have to finish my personal statement after work. I need to get this Columbia application FINISHED.

Je suis rentrée

I am terribly sorry for the absence, but I am finally back from my trip to California for the wedding. I forget how much I mentioned it on here, but my friend from graduate school hired me to bake for her wedding outside of Sacramento. My goal was to be 130 pounds or less by the time I left, but I only got down to about 131.8-132.6.

I weighed 133.6 this morning, which all things considered, is not completely horrible. Now, I just need to work extra hard to get down to the 120s.

As for the wedding - it was amazing! My friend, the bride, looked absolutely ravishing. Exhibit a.

My friend is so beautiful and slender. She was the loveliest bride I have ever seen.

My part of the wedding - the cake - came out awesome too! I will have photos soon. I made 100 red velvet cupcakes with vanilla bean buttercream, 100 carrot cake cupcakes with rum-soaked raisins and orange blossom cream cheese frosting, a 6-inch, 3 layer lemon cake with lemon buttercream and chocolate ganache, and an apple pie... and all of it was vegan! Everyone loved the cakes and as a whole, the wedding was a total success.

During the reception, Juan texted me to say that he really wanted me to come visit and that he would buy me a plane ticket for Sunday. I wish he hadn't procrastinated, because the fares out of Sacramento (he lives in OC) were $600 for the next day and he needed me to fly from SFO (which was impossible). It's such a shame, considering a. I invited him as my +1 and he could have loved the wedding, and b. I was only about 500 miles way, as opposed to my usual 3,000. We stayed in touch constantly the whole time I was there, he was acting so boyfriend-ly. Then, last night, he was all cranky and touchy. This is the part I hate. Why can't we just cut out all of this bullshit and be together? And why don't I have enough self-respect to stop him from stringing me along?

Anyway, I need to get my day going - I slept until 10am because I am jet-lagged and I should try to do something productive. Definitely no running today - the humidity is horrific. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Time for a little thinspiration...

Still losing

I was 132.2 when I woke up and 131.6 after my run this morning. It's just so exciting to see my hard work paying off. Being hungry all the time is SO worth it.

Today, I am trying to eat as little as possible. For breakfast I had a homemade popsicle (banana, blueberries, soymilk, and soy yogurt blended together - no added sugar, but not sure of the calories) and 50 calories worth of Better'n Peanut Butter (my favorite!). Tonight, we're having a special family dinner, so I am going to just drink water, coffee, and maybe a diet soda during the day. I know that we are having some kind of veggie pasta with side salads. If I'm good today, I can handle that. Big salad, barely any pasta (I'll ask for my special gluten-free kind, it's healthier)

Soon I'll be seeing 120's on the scale - I haven't seen a number that low in four years...

I have to bake lots of cupcakes for a party tomorrow, but I am going to be disciplined and NOT EAT THEM! The only problem is that I don't follow recipes super closely, so I end up needed to taste-test things, particularly frosting. I will be good today.

Edit: I was just thinking, I really do not feel or think I look any thinner. I have lost 10 pounds in the past 3 weeks and yet I don't think I look any different... I have an excellent digital Tanita scale - it couldn't be lying to me, could it?

Edit #2: I just finished dinner with my family... 134.4 now. I took some of my herbal supplements to help get everything through my system faster. Ugh, I wish I hadn't eaten anything! No food tomorrow until the party - maybe not even then. Hopefully I can get in a decent run in the early morning when it's not 90% humidity. So bummed :(

P.S. I'm not sure if this photo is Katherine McPhee or not, but whoever this lovely blonde is, she look awesome!

Must keep going

As I was mentioning yesterday, the feeling of loss is so fulfilling - kind of backward, don't you think?

133.2 this morning. I want to be at or under 132 by Saturday. A completely realistic goal if I continue my discipline.

The plan today... coffee this morning. I may have to go to the grocery store to get soymilk, I am really craving a latte. Salad for lunch, then I am working from 4-8, so I'll just have a piece of fruit and maybe a spoonful of peanut butter when I come home.

I finally feel inspired and powerful enough to keep losing. Who needs all of these extra calories? Certainly NOT me!

Tomorrow, my goal is to wake up early enough to get out for a run before it is 90° and 70% humidity. I just have such a hard time settling my brain and everything after I come home from work, so then I don't fall asleep until 12:30-1:00 and cannot manage to get out of bed at seven. Tomorrow, I will do it.

I just realized that I did not have comment notifications turned on! I am so sorry for not replying to the comments that some of you lovely ladies have been sweet enough to leave me! I think I have it figured out now...

Hmmm, so we had four bananas and I decided to make over-sized, vegan, gluten free banana muffins for one of my coworkers. I just had one - I wanted to ensure that they were edible, since I'm sharing. I'm going to take all but one to work, leaving the final one for my younger brother. This means, since I had a salad with hummus/arugula/fake chicken strips/cucumbers/roasted red peppers for lunch, I cannot eat when I come home. Perhaps one piece of fruit. Otherwise I am going to have coffee and water for the rest of the day. I can handle this. Tomorrow, I will have to fast because we're having a family dinner at 8:30pm. I'm definitely going for a run tomorrow morning...

Ne mange pas!

I could have been under 135 today but I a)had some fruit before bed and b) weighed once when I got up (135.2), ate a baby yogurt, went to the bathroom and weighed 135.0... that means I should have been under 135! UGH.

Tonight, I am going to come home from work, go for a short run, and then bake for my friend's birthday party tomorrow.

I will likely eat something small

before work at four o'clock and then bring coffee with me. It is my goal to not eat when I get home. That is the only way I will be under 135 tomorrow.

Downward trend

I lost again - 135.2 after taking my dogs for a two mile walk. Such a relief to see that my efforts are paying off.

I essentially skipped breakfast, had a peach and coffee mid-morning. I am baking for two different occasions for today/tomorrow, so I did taste-test some frosting/batter, and eat 3/4 of a cupcake (made with beets! so at least it wasn't completely devoid of nutrition) I may eat one of the carrot cupcakes I made because I'm test-baking for a wedding, and need to see how they turned out. Or, I may split one with my mom and then get everyone else's opinions... that sounds like a better plan actually.

Juan was texting me all day yesterday and then we Skyped. I miss him so much - he won't admit it, but I know he misses me too. Why can't we just be together??