Hot damn, I ran 18 miles yesterday. I did not die, and the scale is down a few pounds (enough to make me not so psychotic about it) AND I actually get to eat.
I think I am still high on endorphins.
This weekend I only have to do 13.1 as my long run, but next weekend I have 20 on the schedule.
Running like a crazy person is surprisingly empowering and kind of making me feel ok about my body sometimes.
Showing posts with label 136. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 136. Show all posts
Marathon training has begun
The only exciting thing happening as of late is that I have begun my marathon training.
Last week I ran six out of seven days, including ten miles in the dark yesterday morning. It has been SO hot here that I woke up at five in the morning to run, and then took a shower and went back to sleep afterward. I have even more intense workouts planned this week and in fact, I am kind of excited about it.
The weird thing about all of this running is that for the first time in years, with the exception of a few times when I have stayed at someone else's house (although even then, I occasionally pack my scale like a crazy person), I have not been weighing myself every day. Normally, I like to wake up, check my email, go to the bathroom, sit around, go to the bathroom again, weigh myself, drink coffee or water, and go for a run. Because I have been having to complete my workouts in time to get to work by nine in the morning, I have not been weighing myself first thing each day. Maybe this is too much information, but I like to be "empty" when I get on the scale, and that does not happen first thing. It is really strange to not know my weight every day and it is making me a little nuts. Sometimes I weight myself afterward, but its hard to tell how accurate it is.
This morning I was 136.8 - higher than I would like, but I think I increased my caloric intake last week and felt a bit stressed. Hopefully, this week I will find a better balance and the numbers will start going down. I feel so heavy sometimes when I run, and I want to be light and spritely.
I suppose things around here are shaking up a little - Isobel has decided it is finally the right time for her to leave blogger, which I think it ultimately a healthy decision for her. Lottie is taking a break for the summer and also trying to get healthier. Dani is back and could use lots of love and encouragement. Mich has had a bit of a rough go lately too, she could use a lot of warm wishes. And let us not, of course, forget LuLu, Peri, Eloise, and Lissy - if you have a few spare moments to send good thoughts and sentiments their way, please do. I care very much for all of these beautiful women and want each of them to be healthy and peaceful, inside and out. And if I did not mention you here, please, please do not be hurt. I have many friends here and just felt the need to send a few special thoughts to the people who came to mind quickly. We are all fighting our own battles and all need support and encouragement. On that note, I also want to thank my newest readers - welcome!
So, hopefully this week will be better than last - I plan to get a lot of work done and run my little tush off (literally). I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend and enjoyed the 4th of July if you are in the USA. I, as a matter of fact, spent the afternoon in the heat and the sun and then took a nap that turned into me going to bed at 7:30pm, missing the fireworks and everything!
Lots of love, as always.
And for those of you who remember/are curious, no word on my dear friend Pauline.
Last week I ran six out of seven days, including ten miles in the dark yesterday morning. It has been SO hot here that I woke up at five in the morning to run, and then took a shower and went back to sleep afterward. I have even more intense workouts planned this week and in fact, I am kind of excited about it.
The weird thing about all of this running is that for the first time in years, with the exception of a few times when I have stayed at someone else's house (although even then, I occasionally pack my scale like a crazy person), I have not been weighing myself every day. Normally, I like to wake up, check my email, go to the bathroom, sit around, go to the bathroom again, weigh myself, drink coffee or water, and go for a run. Because I have been having to complete my workouts in time to get to work by nine in the morning, I have not been weighing myself first thing each day. Maybe this is too much information, but I like to be "empty" when I get on the scale, and that does not happen first thing. It is really strange to not know my weight every day and it is making me a little nuts. Sometimes I weight myself afterward, but its hard to tell how accurate it is.
This morning I was 136.8 - higher than I would like, but I think I increased my caloric intake last week and felt a bit stressed. Hopefully, this week I will find a better balance and the numbers will start going down. I feel so heavy sometimes when I run, and I want to be light and spritely.
I suppose things around here are shaking up a little - Isobel has decided it is finally the right time for her to leave blogger, which I think it ultimately a healthy decision for her. Lottie is taking a break for the summer and also trying to get healthier. Dani is back and could use lots of love and encouragement. Mich has had a bit of a rough go lately too, she could use a lot of warm wishes. And let us not, of course, forget LuLu, Peri, Eloise, and Lissy - if you have a few spare moments to send good thoughts and sentiments their way, please do. I care very much for all of these beautiful women and want each of them to be healthy and peaceful, inside and out. And if I did not mention you here, please, please do not be hurt. I have many friends here and just felt the need to send a few special thoughts to the people who came to mind quickly. We are all fighting our own battles and all need support and encouragement. On that note, I also want to thank my newest readers - welcome!
So, hopefully this week will be better than last - I plan to get a lot of work done and run my little tush off (literally). I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend and enjoyed the 4th of July if you are in the USA. I, as a matter of fact, spent the afternoon in the heat and the sun and then took a nap that turned into me going to bed at 7:30pm, missing the fireworks and everything!
Lots of love, as always.
And for those of you who remember/are curious, no word on my dear friend Pauline.
Embarrassing
The scale tipped at 136.8 this morning. How did I let this happen?
Sticking to coffee today, it will help me get rid of any excess water that might account for such a horrific gain.
Time to start my food journal again, or I'll just keep gaining.
I have tried to explain to people that I cannot NOT pay attention to what I eat - I look at a cookie and gain weight. I know the gain is my fault, but its still unbelievable.
Barely ran last week after the race. Planning to go for a short run when I get home from work this afternoon, before I go to class.
Its amazing how just a number can make you cry and ruin your whole day before its begun, isn't it?
Sticking to coffee today, it will help me get rid of any excess water that might account for such a horrific gain.
Time to start my food journal again, or I'll just keep gaining.
I have tried to explain to people that I cannot NOT pay attention to what I eat - I look at a cookie and gain weight. I know the gain is my fault, but its still unbelievable.
Barely ran last week after the race. Planning to go for a short run when I get home from work this afternoon, before I go to class.
Its amazing how just a number can make you cry and ruin your whole day before its begun, isn't it?
Detoxing
Sunday, I only had tea and a pear before heading into DC to meet my friend. We had salads for dinner (greens, tofu, carrots, oranges, almonds, and carrot-ginger dressing) and then she offered me pretzels. I had a handful and drank a ton of water, so I felt I got off to an ok start.
Yesterday, I went to the Dr. Paul Farmer talk about his new book Haiti After The Earthquake, and had a Clif Bar for breakfast. (By the way, the talk was great, although too short - but he is my hero, and I waited for two hours to have my books signed and to meet him. If you do not know who Paul Farmer is, please read Mountains Beyond Mountains, stat) Lunch was baby carrots and tea. Dinner was a huge salad of romaine, potatoes, mushrooms, cucumber, tomatoes and tahini/lemon for dressing. I drank copious amounts of tea and water yesterday too.
This morning, I went for a 4.6 mile run, and was 136.2 afterward. I am hoping to be that tomorrow before my run, but we'll see. Today, I had coconut water when I returned from my run, soy yogurt, celery, and two big mugs of green tea. Tonight, I will have a piece of fruit and whatever vegetables I can round up from my refrigerator - maybe a broccoli-slaw salad?
I know that Adeline, Isobel, and Skeleton Skinny are all participating in some sort of detoxing/liquid fast this week. Please do what you can to encourage them on their quests. Mine isn't a liquid fast, but I am not eating a stitch of junk, and with the exception of the soy yogurt, I am eating completely unprocessed, raw foods and lots of green tea.
Either tomorrow or Friday I will get in my long run. I would like to dedicate tomorrow to school work and cleaning, so maybe I'll only do 4-6 miles, but sometime this week I need to run 10+, which is my last really long run before the half marathon on the 25th.
Yesterday, I went to the Dr. Paul Farmer talk about his new book Haiti After The Earthquake, and had a Clif Bar for breakfast. (By the way, the talk was great, although too short - but he is my hero, and I waited for two hours to have my books signed and to meet him. If you do not know who Paul Farmer is, please read Mountains Beyond Mountains, stat) Lunch was baby carrots and tea. Dinner was a huge salad of romaine, potatoes, mushrooms, cucumber, tomatoes and tahini/lemon for dressing. I drank copious amounts of tea and water yesterday too.
This morning, I went for a 4.6 mile run, and was 136.2 afterward. I am hoping to be that tomorrow before my run, but we'll see. Today, I had coconut water when I returned from my run, soy yogurt, celery, and two big mugs of green tea. Tonight, I will have a piece of fruit and whatever vegetables I can round up from my refrigerator - maybe a broccoli-slaw salad?
I know that Adeline, Isobel, and Skeleton Skinny are all participating in some sort of detoxing/liquid fast this week. Please do what you can to encourage them on their quests. Mine isn't a liquid fast, but I am not eating a stitch of junk, and with the exception of the soy yogurt, I am eating completely unprocessed, raw foods and lots of green tea.
Either tomorrow or Friday I will get in my long run. I would like to dedicate tomorrow to school work and cleaning, so maybe I'll only do 4-6 miles, but sometime this week I need to run 10+, which is my last really long run before the half marathon on the 25th.
Little update
I am finally moved in and settled into my new place in Virginia. Classes began on Monday and I just have some background reading to do for my research assistantship.
I am hovering around 137ish. I feel disgusting, naturally. I explained to my friend today that I think the stress of the semester combined with my extremely strict budget will certainly result in getting me down to my goal weight - I told her 125, but I know I want to be 118.
118. It seems so far now.
I bought a pair of shoes today. Forbidden, I know, because I am living on student loans and barely making it to my first paycheck. They were $25. I promised myself that I would not go grocery shopping for anything extraneous - only meal food, nothing remotely snack-like - and I will not shop until I have finished all of the food in my fridge/freezer (lettuce, carrots, hummus, applesauce, apples, soy milk, peas, corn, a bit of GF bread, rice cakes, etc - vegetables, mostly). That way, I will not be tempted by higher calorie treats. Oatmeal or soy yogurt for breakfast with a smidge of honey, salad for lunch, more veggies for dinner and nothing but coffee or tea in between. I am still training for the half marathon, so inevitably, between more walking, my daily runs, stress, and being poor, I must lose weight.
Juan might be coming next weekend for my birthday. I would like to be under 135 by then. He would potentially arrive on my birthday, Friday. That is 9 days right? I think I can handle that.
I am reading the book Going Hungry. Quite good. It actually makes me feel relieved that I am not the only person who has weird eating issues with anorexic tendencies who isn't truly a full-blown anorexic.
Hopefully, I will have more time to write this weekend. I promise I am reading, just not commenting at the moment.
Welcome back Isobel and Adeline.
I am hovering around 137ish. I feel disgusting, naturally. I explained to my friend today that I think the stress of the semester combined with my extremely strict budget will certainly result in getting me down to my goal weight - I told her 125, but I know I want to be 118.
118. It seems so far now.
I bought a pair of shoes today. Forbidden, I know, because I am living on student loans and barely making it to my first paycheck. They were $25. I promised myself that I would not go grocery shopping for anything extraneous - only meal food, nothing remotely snack-like - and I will not shop until I have finished all of the food in my fridge/freezer (lettuce, carrots, hummus, applesauce, apples, soy milk, peas, corn, a bit of GF bread, rice cakes, etc - vegetables, mostly). That way, I will not be tempted by higher calorie treats. Oatmeal or soy yogurt for breakfast with a smidge of honey, salad for lunch, more veggies for dinner and nothing but coffee or tea in between. I am still training for the half marathon, so inevitably, between more walking, my daily runs, stress, and being poor, I must lose weight.
Juan might be coming next weekend for my birthday. I would like to be under 135 by then. He would potentially arrive on my birthday, Friday. That is 9 days right? I think I can handle that.
I am reading the book Going Hungry. Quite good. It actually makes me feel relieved that I am not the only person who has weird eating issues with anorexic tendencies who isn't truly a full-blown anorexic.
Hopefully, I will have more time to write this weekend. I promise I am reading, just not commenting at the moment.
Welcome back Isobel and Adeline.
Big news!
Sorry for the delay. It does seem like I have been apologizing an awful lot for not keeping this blog more up-to-date. I need to get back into a good blogging groove. This community and recording what is going on in my life is the only way I ever lose weight.
As for my big announcement... I am going to graduate school! For those of you who have been reading since I started, you already know that I moved home to New Jersey after starting graduate school in San Diego and only completing one year. Last winter, I applied to Columbia, Tufts, and George Mason. I was accepted to all three, but quickly realized that there was no way I could afford any of these great private universities. So, for the past month or so, I have been applying for job after job, just hoping to get an interview. Then, two weeks ago, I received an email from the chair of the Community and Global Health Department in the School of Public Health and George Mason University, offering me a paid research assistant position. I was thrilled, but still felt very uneasy about the necessity to more than double my debt in order to attend. I asked if there was any possibility of obtaining an out-of-state tuition waiver - basically the school would treat me like a Virginia resident and I would pay that tuition, which is significantly less expensive than out-of-state. (For those of you not familiar with the US higher education system, basically it's expensive and screwy) After two nervous weeks, I found out that they were able to obtain the funding for that! Orientation for my program is on August 24th, so I am moving to the Washington, DC metro area in less than a month - crazy right?? I am incredibly excited to have such a good opportunity and be able to finally get my adult life on the right track. I will be studying for my masters in public health and hope to work for a government or non-profit humanitarian aid group.
As for eating and my weight. I was doing very well and managed to get down to a pre-gym/run 135 last week. Then, I had a few bad days and I'm back to 136-137. I ran this evening, and hope that will help my morning weigh-in be better. Hopefully, I will not eat too much since it is supposed to be another really hot day tomorrow. I have been keeping up with my training plan for my half-marathon in September, so I have been running quite a bit in addition to my classes at the gym. I know I eat way too much, hence why the weight is not coming off. Maybe living on my own soon will help. I am desperate to lose at least 18 pounds. I want to be 120. Heck, I would be happy with 125, most likely. I am simply not working hard enough.
Finally, I promise that I will comment tomorrow. You have all been writing so faithfully, and the least I can do is leave an encouraging comment to go along.
Tomorrow is a gym day, but I might add on a short warm-up run of 1.5-2 miles or take back-to-back classes. I still need to try and wiggle into this dress by the time Juan arrives for my friend's wedding in two weeks. I wish I could just snap my fingers and be thinner. The least I can do is skip breakfast.
As for my big announcement... I am going to graduate school! For those of you who have been reading since I started, you already know that I moved home to New Jersey after starting graduate school in San Diego and only completing one year. Last winter, I applied to Columbia, Tufts, and George Mason. I was accepted to all three, but quickly realized that there was no way I could afford any of these great private universities. So, for the past month or so, I have been applying for job after job, just hoping to get an interview. Then, two weeks ago, I received an email from the chair of the Community and Global Health Department in the School of Public Health and George Mason University, offering me a paid research assistant position. I was thrilled, but still felt very uneasy about the necessity to more than double my debt in order to attend. I asked if there was any possibility of obtaining an out-of-state tuition waiver - basically the school would treat me like a Virginia resident and I would pay that tuition, which is significantly less expensive than out-of-state. (For those of you not familiar with the US higher education system, basically it's expensive and screwy) After two nervous weeks, I found out that they were able to obtain the funding for that! Orientation for my program is on August 24th, so I am moving to the Washington, DC metro area in less than a month - crazy right?? I am incredibly excited to have such a good opportunity and be able to finally get my adult life on the right track. I will be studying for my masters in public health and hope to work for a government or non-profit humanitarian aid group.
As for eating and my weight. I was doing very well and managed to get down to a pre-gym/run 135 last week. Then, I had a few bad days and I'm back to 136-137. I ran this evening, and hope that will help my morning weigh-in be better. Hopefully, I will not eat too much since it is supposed to be another really hot day tomorrow. I have been keeping up with my training plan for my half-marathon in September, so I have been running quite a bit in addition to my classes at the gym. I know I eat way too much, hence why the weight is not coming off. Maybe living on my own soon will help. I am desperate to lose at least 18 pounds. I want to be 120. Heck, I would be happy with 125, most likely. I am simply not working hard enough.
Finally, I promise that I will comment tomorrow. You have all been writing so faithfully, and the least I can do is leave an encouraging comment to go along.
Tomorrow is a gym day, but I might add on a short warm-up run of 1.5-2 miles or take back-to-back classes. I still need to try and wiggle into this dress by the time Juan arrives for my friend's wedding in two weeks. I wish I could just snap my fingers and be thinner. The least I can do is skip breakfast.
Feeling (faking?) better
Sorry for my completely emo-Sarah post the other day. I was feeling huge and depressed, since I am not going to reach my sub-130 goal by next Thursday.
I have been eating generally clean, healthy food, and upping my exercise as of late. Monday was a killer workout - 9.69 miles in 1:25.something. Yesterday, I went to my class at the gym, and today is a rest day because I started work at eight this morning and am puppy-sitting until midnight or so. Additionally, I signed up for a half marathon on the 25th of September, so I am beginning my training now. I am just so tired of my legs not being thin enough to not rub together. I want to wear cute little booty spandex shorts with no shame. I know I have plenty of muscle, but it's hiding, hardcore, under the chub. (I posted a few recent photos - can't call them progress, since I have not lost anything - here) Someday, I swear I will be satisfied with my body. I know it will never be until I am hovering around or below 120 though.
Thanks so my for the encouraging comments, Tai, Dani, Adeline, Sophie, Amber, and Sea. I love that every time I am feeling down and struggling with what is going on in my head and with my body, you are here for love and support. What would we do without each other? It's even nice to know that people are reading, even if they are not commenting.
So, next week I am leaving for California to see Juan. I am nervous that I look and feel heavier than when he saw me last and that I will be disappointing to him and his family. The next week is going to be a bit of a crash diet involving lots of appetite-suppressing coffee and salads. I might need help with packing, so I may post some photos around here after all. I just want to look pretty and slim and elegant when I am with him. He deserves a beautiful woman by his side. 5'7", 136+ish pounds, with a flat chest is not that beautiful. I just need to lose fat. Did I mention we're probably going to the beach??? Bikini in public??? UGH.
Tomorrow, I plan on a 5+ mile run and my class at the gym. 6ish miles on the trail on Friday, and a run plus my class at the gym again on Saturday. I just need to pump coffee through my veins so I will not need to eat.
This post was totally rambling. Thanks again for bothering to read and support me. You ladies (younger and older alike!) are the best. Hands down.
I have been eating generally clean, healthy food, and upping my exercise as of late. Monday was a killer workout - 9.69 miles in 1:25.something. Yesterday, I went to my class at the gym, and today is a rest day because I started work at eight this morning and am puppy-sitting until midnight or so. Additionally, I signed up for a half marathon on the 25th of September, so I am beginning my training now. I am just so tired of my legs not being thin enough to not rub together. I want to wear cute little booty spandex shorts with no shame. I know I have plenty of muscle, but it's hiding, hardcore, under the chub. (I posted a few recent photos - can't call them progress, since I have not lost anything - here) Someday, I swear I will be satisfied with my body. I know it will never be until I am hovering around or below 120 though.
Thanks so my for the encouraging comments, Tai, Dani, Adeline, Sophie, Amber, and Sea. I love that every time I am feeling down and struggling with what is going on in my head and with my body, you are here for love and support. What would we do without each other? It's even nice to know that people are reading, even if they are not commenting.
So, next week I am leaving for California to see Juan. I am nervous that I look and feel heavier than when he saw me last and that I will be disappointing to him and his family. The next week is going to be a bit of a crash diet involving lots of appetite-suppressing coffee and salads. I might need help with packing, so I may post some photos around here after all. I just want to look pretty and slim and elegant when I am with him. He deserves a beautiful woman by his side. 5'7", 136+ish pounds, with a flat chest is not that beautiful. I just need to lose fat. Did I mention we're probably going to the beach??? Bikini in public??? UGH.
Tomorrow, I plan on a 5+ mile run and my class at the gym. 6ish miles on the trail on Friday, and a run plus my class at the gym again on Saturday. I just need to pump coffee through my veins so I will not need to eat.
This post was totally rambling. Thanks again for bothering to read and support me. You ladies (younger and older alike!) are the best. Hands down.
Nervous
I wrote this to Adeline last night, but figured I should share with everyone else as well...
Hello lovely,
I'm not really in the mood to blog tonight but I just needed to vent a bit... might be going to the beach on Monday. Crazy nervous, seeing as I will likely only be down to 136ish AFTER running tomorrow. How do we let ourselves do this? We have such good periods where it finally feels like we're getting skinny and our lives will be better, and then we lose all focus and gain some of it back. I also had a job interview yesterday, and I'm awaiting the results of that now. The nerves are starting to have a good effect and hopefully I won't eat much in the upcoming week. I'm going to visit Juan soon and I just must get under 130. I know how, and yet I'm not doing it. Ugh. Anyway, I hope all is well in your corner of the globe. I've been trying to keep up with you posts, you're doing really well with your new workout regime and diet in general. How are things going with the Gentleman? Reconciled?
Much love,
Sarah
I hope everyone is having a good weekend... I am so lucky to have you all...
Hello lovely,
I'm not really in the mood to blog tonight but I just needed to vent a bit... might be going to the beach on Monday. Crazy nervous, seeing as I will likely only be down to 136ish AFTER running tomorrow. How do we let ourselves do this? We have such good periods where it finally feels like we're getting skinny and our lives will be better, and then we lose all focus and gain some of it back. I also had a job interview yesterday, and I'm awaiting the results of that now. The nerves are starting to have a good effect and hopefully I won't eat much in the upcoming week. I'm going to visit Juan soon and I just must get under 130. I know how, and yet I'm not doing it. Ugh. Anyway, I hope all is well in your corner of the globe. I've been trying to keep up with you posts, you're doing really well with your new workout regime and diet in general. How are things going with the Gentleman? Reconciled?
Much love,
Sarah
I hope everyone is having a good weekend... I am so lucky to have you all...
Falling
136.2 - FINALLY the numbers are really going down.
I love the high you get from losing weight. I feel so good this morning knowing that my clothes fit looser.
I'm only working a half-day today, so I need to be careful with my intake. It's easy for me not to eat at work, but when I'm at home, it's a little different.
For breakfast I had two rice cakes (80) with less than 2 T better'n peanut butter (<100 and="" blueberries="" p="">
It's such a relief to be having a good day, for once...
I love the high you get from losing weight. I feel so good this morning knowing that my clothes fit looser.
I'm only working a half-day today, so I need to be careful with my intake. It's easy for me not to eat at work, but when I'm at home, it's a little different.
For breakfast I had two rice cakes (80) with less than 2 T better'n peanut butter (<100 and="" blueberries="" p="">
It's such a relief to be having a good day, for once...
Moi
- désespérée de maigrir
- I hate: my weight. I love: being a vegetarian, France, tulips & poppies, anything by Paul Coehlo, baby animals, gin, knitting, dresses, kirs, cake decorating, Johnny Swim & Matt Nathanson, running, Casablanca, my best friends and family, and an amazing French man who makes everything in this world so much easier to take on