Feeling (faking?) better

Sorry for my completely emo-Sarah post the other day.  I was feeling huge and depressed, since I am not going to reach my sub-130 goal by next Thursday.

I have been eating generally clean, healthy food, and upping my exercise as of late.  Monday was a killer workout - 9.69 miles in 1:25.something.  Yesterday, I went to my class at the gym, and today is a rest day because I started work at eight this morning and am puppy-sitting until midnight or so.  Additionally, I signed up for a half marathon on the 25th of September, so I am beginning my training now.  I am just so tired of my legs not being thin enough to not rub together.  I want to wear cute little booty spandex shorts with no shame.  I know I have plenty of muscle, but it's hiding, hardcore, under the chub.  (I posted a few recent photos - can't call them progress, since I have not lost anything - here)  Someday, I swear I will be satisfied with my body.  I know it will never be until I am hovering around or below 120 though.

Thanks so my for the encouraging comments, Tai, Dani, Adeline, Sophie, Amber, and Sea.  I love that every time I am feeling down and struggling with what is going on in my head and with my body, you are here for love and support.  What would we do without each other?  It's even nice to know that people are reading, even if they are not commenting.

So, next week I am leaving for California to see Juan.  I am nervous that I look and feel heavier than when he saw me last and that I will be disappointing to him and his family.  The next week is going to be a bit of a crash diet involving lots of appetite-suppressing coffee and salads.  I might need help with packing, so I may post some photos around here after all.  I just want to look pretty and slim and elegant when I am with him.  He deserves a beautiful woman by his side.  5'7", 136+ish pounds, with a flat chest is not that beautiful.  I just need to lose fat.  Did I mention we're probably going to the beach???  Bikini in public??? UGH.

Tomorrow, I plan on a 5+ mile run and my class at the gym.  6ish miles on the trail on Friday, and a run plus my class at the gym again on Saturday.  I just need to pump coffee through my veins so I will not need to eat.

This post was totally rambling.  Thanks again for bothering to read and support me.  You ladies (younger and older alike!) are the best.  Hands down.

10 comments:

lottie x said...

Well done with all your running, you're doing great!
You have nice ribs and your legs don't look big to me :) don't worry about them, all the running should help!
Lottie x

Adeline said...

To me, you're already thin. Please don't be too hard on yourself over the next week because you are actually gorgeous and there is no feasible way you are going to disappoint anyone, Juan or his family or anyone.

I love you so much, you're my thinspiration, my fitspiration, and my old fashioned inspiration too.

Kisses,
Adeline xx

Sea said...

Have an excellent time seeing Juan! and your body is rockin! relax about your weight, the majority of it must be toned muscle. I'm around your measurements & have the flabbiest (is that a word?) gut ever! your stomach looks incredible! one day I would like to have a stomach like yours!

Sophie said...

Girl, you are hot!! :O I'd kill for a flat stomach like yours. Does your scale measure Body Fat percentage? If your weight's bumming you out, try finding out your BF% - I'm pretty sure you're mostly muscle, and it might give you a bit of a boost to see that confirmed in black and white.
Have fun with Juan. Wear a bikini and be proud of your body - he definitely will be :) xxx

Eloise18 said...

Wow your stomach and everything is just really fit! xxx

Amber said...

9.69 miles? Dang... that's some crazy amount of running! I bet your endurance is fantastic- you'll do great in your marathon! I think that's great you've signed up for the marathon- the training will be tough but you're in amazing shape, so you can definitely do it! I love your progress photos- you k great to me and your tummy is so flat!

Mich said...

YOU WENT TO PLAY WITH BABY WOLVES WITHOUT ME!?!?!??! SHAAAAMMME ON YOU!!!

You better post pics of that. <3

You're a pretty skinny minnie, madam. You look fabulous in your photos.

Thank you for your comment. You're an angel. I hope you have an awesome time in Cali! Juan will be drooling when he sees you coming to meet him off the plane. :D

xoxo

Cinnamon Brown said...

I, too, am an animal nut! Even the creepy ones. I love spiders! Those fluffy little legs! If you aren't already a big fan, check this out:

http://cuteoverload.com/

Major squee-fest!

Your photos are super hot! I hope Juan is ready for all that honey! YEAH, BABY!!! I can't believe how hard you train! Amazing!

All the best for the weekend and the coming week! <3. XXX.

Isobel said...

Wow - seriously you are my exercise fitspo darling. We're shaped very differently and believe me I would swap having a thigh gap for your FLAT teeny stomach any day! You look thin, fit and strong all in one! And gorgeous :)

I'm sorry I've been awol so long - it was your comment that pulled me out of my stupor :)

You are a sweet kind girl and Juan is already so lucky to have you xxx

Dani said...

alwasy here for u hun alwaya
thats great hat u get to c him soon he loves u no matter what u know that right

 

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