A set back

Where to begin?

As anyone who has read this blog with any regularity knows, my life this summer has been a tad bit busy.  I apologize for not updating more regularly, and more importantly, not commenting regularly. We are all in this together, encouraging those who need encouraging (particularly toward recovery) and giving love to those who need that too (no matter what sort of place they are in).

My weight right now is somewhat stable, but unfortunately it is not going down.  I know this is my own fault, as I have been eating enough to maintain (i.e. eating like a normal person, even mores, since this marathon training makes me so hungry!).  I hope that when I am done with this race, I will have the common sense and willpower, and decreased appetite to NOT continue eating like this, and with any luck, the weight will melt off more quickly thank usual.

Right now, in fact, I am laid up with an injury - tendinitis in my lower leg that began on Wednesday.  I took two solid days off, rester, wrapped, and iced, but yesterday I only got about a mile before it hurt again.  I am resting again today with hopes to run 3 miles tomorrow.  I was supposed to run 13.1 this morning and am supposed to run 20 next Sunday.  Hopefully, this is just a fluke and will go away quickly.  I really want to be able to finish my training and run this race.

I worked extra hours this week and even with the rest days I have been quite tired.  I woke up with a headache this morning and it has yet to go away, even with a  brief nap.  Fortunately, I did not waste my entire Sunday - I went to Trader Joe's and the asian grocery store (the BEST place for cheap produce) to stock up on my usual things (predominately produce - lots of stone fruits and melons in season right now- lettuce, cucumbers, kale, tofu, ya know, my standard low-cal vegan staples), managed to wash all of my bedding, and bake a birthday cake for my roommate who comes home tomorrow (I don't think I'll even have any, I don't want all of that sugar - if I do, a small slice, half-eaten will suffice).  Tonight, I have to do some work for my research assistantship and do some knitting.

Oh, in knitting news, I finished that cute yellow sweater I mentioned at some point.  I just need to get a decent photo of it.  I knit a moebius cowl for Jéanne that made its journey all the way to South Africa.  Then, I knit some surprises for Peri, and just mailed them off to New Zealand yesterday (I cannot tell what they are yet, she has not seen them!  With any luck, she'll take some photos or feature them in a vlog). With the leftover yarn from Lulu's daughter's tank top, I am knitting another one of the same sweaters for another friend of mine who has a daughter who is one-and-a-half.  I started a pair of socks for my grandmother for her 80th birthday at the beginning of September and I am also working on a wrap for my brother's fiancee for their wedding in November.  I want to get that all finished up so I can purchase yarn for a sweater for myself around my birthday next month.

Not sure if I have anything else to report on - my life is busy but not very exciting.  All of this training has left little time for worrying about the numbers on the scale and what I look like, fortunately.  I doubt the attitude will stick, but we can hope.  I am still hoping that even during the training this month I will lose some weight.  I am going to work hard on drinking protein smoothies for breakfast, preparing salads with extra protein for my dinner every night this week, getting my carbs during lunch and NOT snacking - it actually should not be too difficult, since I start babysitting again in the mornings and will be running around from place to place. I am honestly so tired of being at this weight, after having spent the last year five pounds less, and the first two months of the year hovering around 130.  I wanted to be 125 so long ago and have clearly not been dedicated enough to the cause.  Losing weight while marathon training is difficult and not terribly safe if you're not overweight, so I doubt much will happen until after September 30th.  After that, I think I will take a small break from running (and possibly eating) for a while.  We'll see.

It is incredibly strange to me, that if you (reading) were here in my every day life to witness how I eat and act, you would almost never know that I am so hung up on how heavy I am each day, how I scrutinize myself in the mirror every morning, and how I think so critically about every bit of food I eat, even if I continue to eat like a normal person.  How can all of this be in my head and not really show on the outside?  Sometimes I wish it would just take over and show on the outside a bit (or a lot).  I don't really know why.  Maybe because then I would actually be letting that part of my psyche take over and get something accomplished?  That does not sound very rational... who knows.


7 comments:

PrettyLies said...

Thank you for the lovely comment and support, it seriously means a lot. Good luck with the training! I could seriously never o anything like that, though there's a 5k at my school in October and I was thinking about walking or jogging it, as I'm definitely not a runner by any means. Even with recovery, I'm still working out a lot this fall. Ooohhh, I wonder if it would be too much to ask if you could knit me something? It sounds like you have a lot going on, but I go to school in Ohio where its freezing in the winter. Love ya hon.

Jenn said...

thanks for the check in even though you're busy. I am just trying to get active with blogger again and I DO read yours regularly :-) I like your blog. You're a CHAMP for doing a TRIATHALON!!! wow. take care babe
xo

Ayden said...

Glad for the update =]
And I agree, with training, it's okay not to focus on losing weight. I'd save that until after training is over =] You're making a smart choice on that one.
I know how you feel about wishing that you could let the disease show a bit... The only reason I can let my calorie obsession show is because the doctor put me on a calorie restricted diet, other than that, I can't really show much..
Good luck with everything, and I'd love to see pictures of the things you're knitting!!!
XOXO

Peridot (G+P) said...

The lack of posting and commenting is completely understandable, considering how we all know you're working and training like a fiend!

*Sends healing thoughts* HEAL UP, DAMMIT LEG! I hope this was just a random one-time thing and rest will fix it up. Woot Marathon!

Btw, Rugby PT at Awesome Gym agrees with me that you endurance athletes are all completely mental :p

ASDSGFDSKAFGMAIL?? Why?? GAH! HURRY UP MAILMAN!!!1! I feel so bad for not being able to send things! I only just sent Jeanne's box after a year of promising and stupid motorbike things keep eating my money :(

The training has been good for you, giving you a reason to stay physically healthy and motivated and strong. With me it's my fear of having doctors put my parents back in charge of my life that has kept me from going totally insane with the food. Small blessings, huh? maybe there is a way ouf or or around this shit without permanently munting ourselves?

Oyeah: WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR/COLOURS??

Take care of yourself and remember to take regular rests. Love you so much <3

A Quiet Battle said...

You are doing so, so awesome! And I know it's hard, but all the training you're doing is bound to make you hungry, and I'm sure some of the weight is water from the huge amount of exercise. I'm so proud of you!

And, slightly jealous that you can knit lovely things! I've never aquired that skill. Show pics sometime, k? : )

Much love!

Miranda said...

The scale may not be going down but with all that running there is no question that you are fit and in shape. That's something! Hope the leg gets better.

Miranda said...

Oh, and I now how you feel. On the outside it's like you are a normal person but on the inside there is an inner battle and a hatred for your body that no one really knows about.

 

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