It's been ages... but I think it's a good thing, to be honest.
I just feel pretty great overall. I don't feel the need to obsessively restrict or hate on my body nearly as often as I had in the past, oh, almost ten years. On the flip side, I am consistently the heaviest I have ever been, but so much of me is tired of caring. It's exhausting to be pre-occupied in that way.
That being said, at the slightest hint of serious stress or conflict, my mind immediately races to restriction and fixates on my thighs.
One of my colleagues started dieting earlier this year. It's been three months so far and she has lost fifteen pounds. She just needs a modest diet with no sweets or excess sugar during the week. On the weekends, she allows herself to drink a bit of wine and eat some dessert if she wants. Like me, she just has to be a bit strict in order to maintain a healthy weight. She doesn't find it constricting, it's just a lifestyle shift. I feel like I can do that. I suppose that is how weight loss is supposed to work in the first place... all of the disordered behaviors and fad diets never really support a healthy life anyway... I know I am preaching to the choir here.
And in other life news, my husband and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary and we managed to buy the cutest little house. It is small, but it is ours, and we are truly enjoying transforming it into our home.
So that is about it. I will continue to post from time to time, since I think there might just be a few stragglers out there who care enough to pop in and check this blog. I am even trying to limit myself in reading blogs in this community these days because I feel like they trigger me... but then I am so attached to the bunch of you that I really cannot abandon the community altogether. Usually, when I read a post that moves me to respond, I shoot an email or text if I can. I certainly do still care, so don't think I have forgotten about anyone.
- désespérée de maigrir
- I hate: my weight. I love: being a vegetarian, France, tulips & poppies, anything by Paul Coehlo, baby animals, gin, knitting, dresses, kirs, cake decorating, Johnny Swim & Matt Nathanson, running, Casablanca, my best friends and family, and an amazing French man who makes everything in this world so much easier to take on
running goals motivation gain fat too ashamed to weigh in traveling school gym sad thinspo 130 fast no weight 132 heartbroken quick update 137 133 stressed Benjamin 129 Juan counting calories 134 knitting too embarrassed to weigh in 131 135 shopping 136 France baking Pauline 127 128 Allan dysmorphia friends 138 California busy gratitude wedding relief Christmas Insanity tired 126 challenge cooking detox searching yoga Louisette birthday exciting news plan plateau surprised Paris Rome about me advice crazy roommate d to weigh in the beginning
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