I know, I know

It's been ages... but I think it's a good thing, to be honest.

I just feel pretty great overall.  I don't feel the need to obsessively restrict or hate on my body nearly as often as I had in the past, oh, almost ten years.  On the flip side, I am consistently the heaviest I have ever been, but so much of me is tired of caring.  It's exhausting to be pre-occupied in that way.

That being said, at the slightest hint of serious stress or conflict, my mind immediately races to restriction and fixates on my thighs.

One of my colleagues started dieting earlier this year.  It's been three months so far and she has lost fifteen pounds.  She just needs a modest diet with no sweets or excess sugar during the week.  On the weekends, she allows herself to drink a bit of wine and eat some dessert if she wants.  Like me, she just has to be a bit strict in order to maintain a healthy weight.  She doesn't find it constricting, it's just a lifestyle shift.  I feel like I can do that.  I suppose that is how weight loss is supposed to work in the first place... all of the disordered behaviors and fad diets never really support a healthy life anyway... I know I am preaching to the choir here.

And in other life news, my husband and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary and we managed to buy the cutest little house.  It is small, but it is ours, and we are truly enjoying transforming it into our home.

So that is about it.  I will continue to post from time to time, since I think there might just be a few stragglers out there who care enough to pop in and check this blog. I am even trying to limit myself in reading blogs in this community these days because I feel like they trigger me... but then I am so attached to the bunch of you that I really cannot abandon the community altogether.  Usually, when I read a post that moves me to respond, I shoot an email or text if I can.  I certainly do still care, so don't think I have forgotten about anyone.


Ruby Tuesday said...

Hello my dear,

So lovely to get an update
And even better to read that things are going so well for you
I think you hit the nail on the head
It's not about what we weigh
It's about how we feel
And you feel good
So you don't need to focus on weight
I'm so very happy for you that you have found contentment, love and happiness
You truly deserve it

Congratulations on your first anniversary
Gosh that year went by very quickly
And you bought your first home?
That is so great
I am genuinely delighted for you!
That is my dream
To own my little house
With a bit of land
To have loads of animals

I can feel your happiness reading this post
I hope life continues to be good to you
You are an inspiration x

Mich said...

Congrats on the house!!! I can't believe it's been a year already, I feel like it wasn't that long ago I saw your wedding and honeymoon photos on Instagram.

Aye Ell said...

Congratulations on your anniversary and new home! I'm glad you have positive things you are focusing on instead of negative body image. That's awesome.

Sam Lupin said...

that's it, isn't it? it's not really the weight that's the problem, it's just a coping mechanism. an awful one that is. i hope you're able to breathe a little more some days. you do deserve better and i am glad that you're not around as much.

"She doesn't find it constricting, it's just a lifestyle shift." i think that's the point of a 'diet.' i mean - i truly believe that nothing in this world is made to be as awful as we think it is anyway. we are creatures of habit. we work too hard on ourselves, we don't give each other breathing spaces. there's always easier way of doing things. i don't think you need to lose weight on either accord. you sound like a very healthy individual from what i've read from you - and your runs! God, i've gotten a bit jealous.

"And in other life news, my husband and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary and we managed to buy the cutest little house. It is small, but it is ours, and we are truly enjoying transforming it into our home." that's brilliant. i'm not sure if i've commented before but i've only recently started reading your blog and i've read the whole thing from top to bottom - what can i say! this is brilliant. congratulations. it's very well deserved.

your mental health is very important. if you feel like you can't read certain blogs without being triggered, don't force yourself, love xxx though i do know how it feels like to be attached to someone that might trigger you. still, you are a priority!

hope i've not offended you by anything i've said. <3 i always mean it well, but sometimes you know the wrong words come out!

-Sam Lupin

Stick Thin said...

Congrats on the anniversary and buying the house! That is wonderful news.

It is messed up how affected we become by our disorders. I think you are right, losing weight is all about a lifestyle change. But for me, the "lifestyle change" I got sucked into was anorexia. I'm still so easily triggered and it's been 8 years since I developed my ED initially.

Love to hear form you.

Stick Thin said...

I just followed your IG from my personal account :) I love being able to know how people are doing.

cursum perficio said...

It's so good to hear from you, and that married life seems to be working out fine :)

Bella said...

It's always telling whether people see their time away from blogger as a positive or a negative. When it's a good thing, I'm more than happy to only get occasional updates, just as long as you're happy.

Happy anniversary! It's wonderful you and your hubby were able to get your own house so quickly :)

Always in my thoughts <3

Lou Morales said...

Congratulations on both house and hubby, you deserve all the happiness in the world :)


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