Changes for a new season

I honestly have not really attempted any sort of organized diet or conscious effort to curb my absurd eating habits in over a year.

But I guess the glow of my newly-wedded life might be fading now and I am tired of feeling heavy and round and out of shape.

In my defense, I am still rather active - I run one average twice a week and am usually going to the gym another two times.  But when you compare that to my super-health-conscious, pre-Benjamin life, it's pathetic.  From 2011 to 2013, I ran on average six days a week.  Now, because I am heavier and out of shape, even twice a week seems like a burden.

And then there's the issue of my closet.  I am terrified to bring out last year's spring and summer clothes only to discover that nothing fits.  Can I just keep wearing sweaters all summer?

So this week I am taking some initiative.  My husband is away in South Africa (any tips, Piggy?  He's in Cape Town!) until Sunday.  I have no social commitments at all this week.  So today I am shooting for under 1,000 calories and I will definitely go to the gym.  Tomorrow is supposed to be lovely, so I should have a repeat low-calorie day and I feel encouraged to get outside for run and enjoy the good weather.  All of that can easily continue until Friday.  I think it's going to rain and I am babysitting... so unless I can be super motivated to wake up early, I'll have to skip the running/gym altogether and make up for it on Saturday.  I know we are having pizza for lunch on Sunday for my friend's birthday - I can get away with two small slices and salad for dinner.  

I have my overdue annual exam with my OB/GYN scheduled for the first week of April.  I MUST lose weight by then.  Ideally, I want to be 140, but I think realistically I can reach 145 (a number, that as I type it, makes me absolutely cringe.  There was a long time when I swore up and down that I would never, ever, ever be over 140... UGH).  I am also going to make a more conscious effort to eat mostly vegan.  Dairy products and eggs have really crept back into my life (that's what you get for marrying a Frenchie) and while I think its ok to eat them in moderation, I would like them to be more like seasoning, instead of star players.  And finally, I am going to reinforce my "no alcohol during the week" and add "no restaurant/non home-made food during the week."  In addition to it saving calories, we can also save some money (which is important since we are in the midst of buying our first home!).  There really is no reason for us to go out during the week, since my husband travels approximately two weeks out of the month and also could use some good, healthy food when he's home.  Mainly, I need to be more organized with meal planning to accomplish this.  So when he is here, I can at the very least control the ingredients and portion sizes, since meal-skipping is not really an option (and isn't a good option to begin with).

I know that is not a very solid plan, but it is a good start, no?

Part of the reasoning is that I am quite ashamed of my body and what has happened to it.  But there is also a large part that knows that gaining weight is not good for me at its core.  I am not striving to be underweight or to starve myself.  I just know that sensible "dieting" never works for me.  In order to lose weight, I need to take more drastic measures.  I am sure this must sound familiar for some of you, no?  Calorie counting/hyper caffeination begins again today.  

Side notes... Congratulations Ruby on your purge-free streak!  And Happy Birthday, Lou! And I hope you're feeling much, much better, Bella.


Ṣαᵯ ȽuРіῄ│ said...

ah, first comment on a blog feelings. or maybe first comment in a long, long arse time because i've been following this blog for pretty much forever. took a good long read of your blog from start to finish xx

hopefully, nothing i'll say will offend you or make you feel awful by any means. it was not my intention if that's the case! (i tend to like to be safe than sorry.)

i think that 2 times a week running and 2 times in a gym is no small feat by any means! though you know your body more. i know mine tends to hate me if i tend to go more than 5 times a week to do any form of activity. inflammation, inflammation. you know when you lose a little bit more weight on the days where you don't exercise? or at least that's how it works for me. i find that 3-4 times a week of doing any activity tends to be enough, else i'll just have this weird sore feeling or i'll be losing in 100 gram chunks of weight even though my net is low.

funny how relative "out of shape" is. i think you're plenty in shape from what you've told me. huh. <3 hope this makes you smile a little, madame. i don't think anyone could consider YOU out of shape.

i remember the "i swear i'll never be this number again" feelings. i, too, yearn for a number i swore i'd never pass.

aye. i know what you mean about calorie counting/hyper caffeinated days (speaking of which, i'm drinking a coffee right about now). i've been in the recovery committee for so long that even the meaning has skewed a bit. there, they're a bit mad. if you eat less than 2,000 calories a day, they think you're bloody starving yourself, so my "calorie counting" days are mostly on the higher scale compared to what some people are used to. i'm still fairly low-key to the whole thing. it's actually quite refreshing. i am on a borderline sensible diet (to me). this is fascinating.

take care, love xxxx i know you're a smart lass, but be careful, alright? you are worth more than just numbers. always have been.

-Sam Lupin

Ruby Tuesday said...

Hello girly, so good to get an update
And to read about what's been happening

What I would say
Is please be careful
I felt the exact same as you last November
I wanted to lose a few pounds
And it quickly spiralled out of control
You are smart
And I know you won't let that happen
Just know that losing weight will not change anything
Just the number on the scale
And ultimately
That does not matter one jot
So please
Be kind to you
Be gentle with you
You don't want fall down the rabbit hole

With all that said
I hope you know that it comes from a lace of concern and love
I just read your comment on my blog
Thank you so so much for being there
And always with some sage advice

Stay in touch
Love ya x

K said...

I like this post. I'm with you on the newly wed bliss fading and now remembering that health is important.

If you come up with a schedule, I'd love to hear it!

Miranda said...

Yes, all of it sounds familiar! I know what it's like not to fit into your clothes and it sucks so bad. It sounds like you are being pretty active though. Four times a week is great, but I'm like you and I think our bodies need even more to lose. Amping it up a little bit shouldn't be too much of a reach since you are already active. Let's feel better about our bodies by summer!!!

Mich said...

Take care of yourself, luv. 1000 cals is not very much at all, and it's not a very big leap to 800 to 600 to straight up starving. I know you know that already, but I have to say it anyway. <3

You're still running and exercising a helluva lot more than I am....


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