January is gone already.

My resolve for making changes has not waned, but the results have not appeared.

I finished one month of Insanity, started practicing yoga more regularly (1-2 times per week), and began marathon training.  And yet, despite the fact that I am getting strong, I am not getting thinner.  I have not lost a single pound.

I can't take it.

I am leaving on Tuesday night for France.  It's just for a long weekend.  Yes, it is extravagant, but people in love do such silly things.  I am dreading facing my boyfriend in such a state.  He is so beautiful and in such good shape.  He deserves an equally attractive partner.

The only way I will lose anything by then is skipping most meals and drowning myself in caffeine for a few days.  

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I think I can handle that for the rest of the week except for Saturday, when I must go on my long run (9 miles this week I think?)

I have been thinking about a lot of you lately.  Miranda of course, with her surgery.  Peri with her accident.  Lulu with her broken heart.  Ruby in treatment.  Bella who I just want to scoop up and hug. Isobel, who popped back onto the blog and then out again.  Piggy with her job troubles and upcoming trip to San Diego. Eloise, who left her blog ages ago but still keeps in contact via Facebook and tumblr.  Mich, well because she's Mich!  AnnaMaria with her difficult studies and plans for London.  Avy meandering the streets of my beloved Paris.  I think of you all, often.  Truly I do.

I need to get back to this blog more often.  It's the only way I will ever maintain some self control.


Katie Elizabeth said...

Just started following dear. I can't wait to go through old posts and get to know you. I can relate by feeling stronger but not losing any weight. In fact, I'm putting on horrible ugly pounds. Thanks for following me.

Bella said...

Aww, you are too sweet.
I'm sorry you're struggling with your goals. It can be a bitch waiting for the scale to move. You've still achieved a lot, and while you mightn't see results initially, it all adds up and it all benefits your body. Your trip to France sounds like a beautiful little getaway. I'm sure Benjamin will love seeing you, whether you've lost weight or not. I hope you're able to feel more comfortable in your body soon, though I know it's a near-impossible feat.
Take care as best you can. Come back and post again soon, yes?

Faye said...

I don't comment often, but I certainly light up whenever I see you've made a post. You really have come so far, from a partial bystander's point of view.
Keep in mind, love... we're womanly women, we don't visibly gain and lose surface fat like the teenagers do... we gain around our organs first, especially after a stint of disordered eating. It's not a very visible change, but you're losing nasty visceral fat which threatens your organs before you're losing surface fat... so when you start to see a marked change, it will be a very, very big change indeed!

Stay strong, persistently keep doing what you're doing, and the changes you want will follow!
And have fun in France! :)

Eloise18 said...

I get that you feel the number on the scale is defining and important...I'm still there. BUT do you think there can be a time when your miles or speed or a number of kisses or...something other than pounds can replace the scale?
You are incredibly fit, you weigh what you weigh, you can't make yourself taller, just as without damaging your body you can't make yourself lighter. <3

AVY said...

Thank you sweetie, I think of you too. Keep writing, it does help.


Peridot (G+P) said...

Deep breath, love. You've been building muscle (Growing stronger! You noticed!) and that weighs more than fat. If you keep it up you'll see a metabolism increase and the muscle will start to emerge from it's insulation fat and you'll have sleek hard muscle and look like a bawss!!

Omg shoutout?! *Hugs you tightly* I love you so much. I miss you! Please come back to your blog more often, I worry when I don't hear from you. Take care of yourself, ok love?


Miranda said...

Doesn't it just feel like your body is conspiring against you? I know the feeling and it sucks. I love Yoga. I stuck with it because I like it and it's good for the body even if it doesn't burn a ton of calories. If you are moving your body regularly it counts and it's still worth the effort of doing it. A weekend in France sounds positively romantic!! I hope you had a great time. Thinking of you too!!! And thanks for checking on me.


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