Waves of emotion

The past few days in a row have felt so.... off.  I feel like I am crashing into waves of happiness/sadness/anxiety over and over again.  Fortunately, none of them are very extreme.  They do, however, make me isolate myself a bit.  Basically, if I am not in class or at work, I stay home and barely talk to anyone except for when my mom calls.

I finally received my box with my belongings in it from Juan.  He forgot my Mad Men dvds but I now have a proper comforter on my bed.  He included my Christmas gift - a set of Le Creuset mugs - and gifts for my parents.  No note or anything like that. It was simply a sad experience opening it, as it sort of signifies that our relationship is really over.

As for everything else - I ran a few times this week, but I am still not totally back in the swing of things.  My 10 mile race is on the 1st of April.  Fortunately, I think my "base" fitness is still around 6-7 miles, so I physically can run 10 if I want to.  I may run them quite slowly, but I will be able to run them.  I have not been able to re-adopt my schedule from last semester or waking up around 7:30, spending an hour or so reading blogs and catching up on emails, and then going for a nice run.  These days, I am sleeping horribly and barely manage to get out of bed before nine - which is unheard of for me.  This morning, I was ready to wake up and hit the pavement, but I slept totally strangely and have acute neck pain. (Like this)  I am going to take some anti-inflammatories and get a heat patch so that by the end of my day at work, I can at least go for a short run.

Eating has been all over the place this week.  My weight is completely stable 130.something every day.  But yesterday, I went to Target in search of a replacement dress (strangely I was wearing the same dress both times that Juan broke up with me, so I gave it to my mother to sell on eBay, but I really loved the dress!) and looked horrific in everything in the dressing room.  I always refer to my arms as "ham arms" - they are just huge for no good reason.  Even at my thinnest, they are still gigantic.  I need to really work harder this weekend and in the next several weeks to get my eating under control (read: eat less!) so I can start losing again.  I know it will make me feel better, so why is my behavior so contrary?  At least it is still cool enough to wear long sleeves, so I can cover them up.  Maybe at 118 they will finally be acceptable?

How is everyone doing?  I know Lou is having a bit of a rough time with her move, so please pop over there to say hello and leave some words of encouragement.  My darling Eloise could also use some positivity, so pay her a visit too - she is a great person and deserves all of our love (I sent her a package last week, hopefully it will arrive soon!).  Obviously there are dozens of others who need support and love every day, but please send Piggy (who isn't a Piggy at all!) some caring words too.

I see that Mich and Jéanne have also received some mail from me, and Peri's and Adeline's should be arriving next week sometime.  Isobel and Miranda, I would be happy to send something your way too, if you can get me your addresses.

Oh, one last thing - my sort of exciting-ish news... I registered for my first marathon!  It's going to take a lot of work to train for it, but I think it will help put my head in a better place, since I have a clear goal to work toward.