Deep breath

Wednesday night, my friend and I went for an AWESOME run.  I wanted to do six, but when we came to the part on the route where we could take on an extra two, I decided to go for it.  We chatted the first half and then she picked it up... by the end, we were flying and exhausted.  I felt like a million bucks when I got home and yesterday too... until I left my house.

When I was out in the morning, I stopped for a salad at whole foods.  Because I an disgusting, I also bought a croissant (no way that's vegan, wtf was I thinking??) that I devoured in my car in about 30 seconds.  I was fine for the rest of the day, I guess.  Then, I went grocery shopping... munched on cashews and trail mix in addition to eating a normal, healthy dinner (I love those low-cal shirataki noodles!)  And, because it was pi day on Wednesday and I had to wait to be paid to be able to make a pie (which I so desperately wanted to do - I love to bake!) I made a vegan banoffee pie yesterday (coconut milk-based toffee pudding with bananas and a coconut milk whipped "cream" on top).  I kept tasting the pudding.  I had a test piece.  Then, before I went to bed I had another small piece.  Then, for breakfast I ate about 1/4-1/3 of the pie.  I finally just scraped it into the garbage.  I wanted to share it with my roommates but I was ashamed that so much was missing already.  I cannot believe I just kept eating it and eating it.

I know the entire day is not lost.  I am going to skip lunch and run after work.  In a minute, I will make some coffee and fill up my water bottle.  I am babysitting and working at the law office from 2-5.  A good, long-ish (6+ miles) run will help me feel better.  Instead of eating pie, I should have gone this morning.

I feel so incredibly guilty.

And fat.

Well, according to the scale I was up about 3 pounds this morning.  My weight had been stable between 130.something and 131.6 or so.  This morning, 133.8.  I am disgusted and its my own fault.  How can I allow myself to be gaining?

Tomorrow, I will do much better.  I'll drink my detox tea tonight, go for a nice long run, and eat fruits and veggies only.

Deep breaths.  Right?


Anonymous said...

Yes. Deep breath. Gaining sucks! With your running I'm sure you can burn it off. Wish I liked to bake...or maybe not 'cause then I'd eat everything I made b/c I have no self control.

Anonymous said...

Darling don't beat yourself up about it - your body was exhausted after that incredible run and did whatever it took to make up the difference!

I think that when you go for another amazing run like that, you should come home and sometime that same day eat a really BIG fruit salad. All the healthy sugars in the fruit will let your body know that 'it's fine' and there is no need for it to go hunting for calories in the form of pie!

Also, I promise you the scale won't go up as a result.

Love you millions darling, like, more than you know. I'm just going to write you a little email now actually.

Adeline xx

Elena said...

Everybody has days like this! Don't feel so guilty!

Adeline gave a nice tip. Before I try a bit of a sweet food like pie or cake, I also eat a decent amount of fruit first to get my sweet fix.

I hope you have a fantastic day today, honey.


Peridot (G+P) said...

Deep breaths.

I'd hazard a guess that with the Killer Awesome Run your body was needing a bit more energy and decided to go all crazy on you and get it any way it could. Restriction and feelings of deprivation cause autopilot binges >.< (One way I got around binges was reminding myself that I could have Xfood whenever I wanted, so long as it was within my calorie "budget". It worked for me. would it work for you? o.O)




Mich said...

Deep breaths!! It's good to remember that our weights will always fluctuate a little up and down just from everyday activities--a few more pieces of pie than you would have liked will not automatically make you fat. <3 Plus it sounds like a delicious pie, and you're definitely entitled to eat your own masterpieces. I think I ate half of my spekkoek on my own this weekend...

Hope your week is going well. xoxo


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