Embarassed

I know it has been almost a week since my last post, but honestly, I have been so embarrassed about my eating and my weight that I can hardly even write now.

Thank you for the well-wishes regarding my stress fracture.  All I can think about now is how much I want to run.  I had an MRI this morning and I have my doctor's appointment on Friday.  I have been still working out - lifting, using the elliptical, and taking my class - but I fee like running is the only thing that keeps me thinner.  My weight is disgustingly high.  I did a few days of liquids last week and was down to 129.5 on Sunday morning... now, I cannot even say.  Granted, I ate some salty things yesterday, so today I'm shying away from that and drinking lots of coffee and green tea in hopes that I'll have happier numbers tomorrow.

I had my class and then did an extra 15 hard minutes on the elliptical (total of 60 minutes) today.  I just had breakfast - 1 cup rice chex, 1 cup plain unsweetened almond milk, 6 pecans, 1/2 cup unsweetened frozen mango - about 300 calories, a lot for breakfast for me, but it's already 11:30 and I plan to not eat until dinner.

I also have an appointment to have my hair cut on Friday - if you remember, I am cutting it ALL off and donating it.  I desperately wanted to be 125 by the time I cut my hair, but alas, I have failed again.  Maybe seeing my chubby face without my hair to hide it will be the extra kick in the pants I need to stop shoving food in my mouth.

Thank you Ariana, Ana Marie, Athena, Sofia, Dani, A Quiet Battle, Lorna, Sophie, Amy, and of course Adeline, for the kind words of encouragement and gratitude you express through your comments and on your blogs.  I know that even when I am feeling downright terrible, you lovely ladies help pick me up.  I promise I will do better this week.  I am shooting for 129.0 or less by Friday.  My ultimate goal this year is to be under 120, like 118.  I think that at 5'7.5" that is a reasonable, but thin weight.  I just need to stop fooling around and indulging.

Lots of love, my dears...

10 comments:

A Quiet Battle said...

It seems like a lot of us are struggling right now. I sometimes feel like it's harder in the winter because you're stuck inside so much and, I, for one, get bored and then more likely to eat.

Really hope you get good news from your doctor. Be careful exercising on your poor foot!

Athena said...

I think that goal is very reasonable, and I know you can do it. I'm sorry you've been feeling a bit down lately, dear. But we can help you get back up again!

I hope you'll be able to run soon.

Love always,

x

Ariäna said...

You don't ever have to be too embarrassed or ashamed to write! Writing is a great way of dealing with emotions because it provides such a wonderful outlet- sometimes it's easier to express in writing what you're unable to exrpess in words. You're exercising even though your hear shows how determined and willing you are! With that kind of determination, you're going to get down to your goal weight in no time! Given your heigh your weight of 118 sounds very reasonable! You can definitely do it!

Adeline said...

Oh darling, try not to be so hard on yourself. You've always been my thinspiration, and still are. You're the most beautiful creature, and I'm so proud of you for what you're doing with your hair - you're so brave!

Thank you for mentioning me, it made me smile from ear to ear.

All my love,
Adeline xx

Nerisaga said...

Never be embarrassed about food stuff around this place. We're here to support and help each other, although I can relate to that feeling very well.
However, no point in hiding, let's just start over.
And 129 is aaaaalmost 125. It's 4 pounds,not much difference, when u think about it. :)

Do you have a picture of the haircut u want, or is everything gonna be like...shaved?

Hope u feel better soon! :)

Dani said...

o hun im sorry that ur sturgling so much
i hope htat u can runa gain soon but u gotta let it heal first dont get back into running too quickly or u will regret it trust me i have alot of issues from old injuries that i didint let heal right
stay strong hun

amy said...

i'm sorry you're not feeling great hun - unfortunately some of it is really out of your control with your foot. just take care of yourself and it'll be as good as new in no time!
what you're doing with your hair is so brave and i'm sure you'll look beautiful.
stay strong x

sofia said...

we have about the same goal, im 5'7" or just shy and my goal is 115. (:
and no problem that what im here for. <3
i hope your foot gets better soon, dear.

stay lovely. <3

DressageWoman said...

I understand how you feel, in regards to being too embattased to post. Writing into my blog helps me focus on my goals and it opens up the doors to a huge web of support. And that is what we are: your web of support. So, while you are embarrased, we can help pick you up, we can help you get back on track, and we can gently hold you accountable and affirm your goals. :-)

natmtl said...

your so courageous to cut all your hair off!! i could never! props

hang in there,

xx

 

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