A long overdo update

So my last post was a little alarming, I know.  I am sorry.  I mean, I know I am allowed to write whatever I please around here, but my last post was written in a moment of frustration and haste after seeing some friends last weekend.

I just could not believe how good some of my friends looked - and by good, I mean thin... I have amazing, lovely, beautiful (inside and out!) girlfriends from college, and I have always viewed them all that way, no matter what size they happen to be.  But after not seeing them for months and months, I just felt so large and inadequate.

I am going to see a gastroenterologist on Monday afternoon.  I have been having some sort of minor but persistent digestive distress since the end of March and I am finally going to see a specialist. I saw my normal doctor and his tests revealed nothing in particular, so he said if I still was not better, I should see a specialist.  Well, more than a month later I am finally getting around to it, since the symptoms are interfering with my marathon training.  I am hoping he is able to give me some answers and maybe even explain my unexplained weight gain.  I have not gained that much, but I find it odd that I spent three months in Europe eating whatever I wanted and gained about 2 pounds.  I come home and eat healthier and vegan and I am now was the tippy tippy top of my weight range.  I have gained 5-6 pounds more.  I am 20 pounds over my ideal weight (writing that makes me SO sad) and about 12 over my easy-to-maintain-I-feel-much-better-about-myself weight.  I just hope I get some answers.  My clothes are tight and I just don't feel good.  And I am no where close to underweight, so from a health perspective there is no reason that I should not lose weight.

Anyway, I am running a half marathon in the morning.  I am not sure how it is going to go - I have been marathon training for about a month, but this is a little early in my plan to run a half.  It just seemed like a fun race and would only be slightly longer than what I had planned for this weekend.  I know I will be able to finish the course, but I would be shocked if I run it in under 2 hours.

I am leaving for France in two weeks, which is exciting.  I have almost six whole days to spend with Benjamin and it will be lovely as usual, I suspect.  We are  on a little adventure to a surprise location when I arrive, and all I know is I need to bring my bathing suit... ughhhhh... I am excited to be in the sunshine and perhaps be laying on a beach (I don't really know, after all) but I am NOT excited about having to display that much of myself in public.  But, I need to just gather my wits about it - it's not worth ruining a perfectly good vacation over stupid body negativity.

I am hoping that the doctor ends up putting me on some kind of special regimen that a) my symptoms will stop/improve and b) I will lose some weight before my trip.  Regardless, I have two weeks to try and just lose even a few pounds to mentally make myself feel better, even if the physical change is imperceptible to most.

And what else is new?  I have been happily busy at work (I really do enjoy my job) and am trying to squeeze in marathon training (even 5:20am wake-up calls to run 9 miles before work!) and knitting.  I am making a lovely t shirt right now.  I hope to make some serious progress on it tonight/tomorrow so that maybe it will be finished before I leave.  Then I need to finish the sleeves on a striped cardigan that has been lingering in my knitting pile - the sweater is lovely but I just have not been able to find the motivation to finish the sleeves!  After that, I have two big projects to start, which I might to simultaneously - one is a sweater for Pauline's grandmother.  I knit myself a blue pullover last summer for wearing at the beach on cool days.  She really loved it and wanted something similar.  The yarn I had in my stash is not quite appropriate for the same pattern, but I am going to make this.  Then I need to start a lovely linen summer scarf for Benjamin's grandmother.  I was hoping to have it finished before my trip, but there is no way that will happen.

How is everyone?  I am horribly behind on my favorite blogs... especially Peri!  I'm sorry my dear!  And I think a few people haven't written in a while... Lulu and Miranda?  I hope everyone is well... Bella, I've been thinking of you and I sent off a little card the other day.  Ruby, you're just the best, thanks for never forgetting about me.  I will try to get caught up and maybe even make some comments tomorrow night.  Have a lovely weekend, all...


ruby-tuesday said...

So good to get an update my dear
I'm sorry to read that you are having some health problems
I hope the specialist can recommend something to help you.

I know just how it feels to feel so uncomfortable in your own skin.
Every moment is consumed by that thought and we really seem to be sensitive to these feelings.

Just know that you are so special and so wonderful and have been an amazing friend to me.

Keep hanging in there my lovely

All my love x

Jenn said...

Just wanted to check in with you. I still read, so I hope you always keep up your blog. XOXO

Miranda said...

Good luck on the marathon and i hope they figure your tummy issues out soon. It sucks to not know what's going on with your body. I never really thought so before (I just KNEW I was fat) but I kinda think I must have body dysmorphia too in some form. No matter how thin I've been I've never felt it. Anyways, keep looking forward to your trip and I think it's great that you love your job.

Bella said...

Hello dear,
I got your card in the post just yesterday! Thank you so much. It wasn't preachy at all, and I'll treasure it (I think I need some sort of box for mail from bloggers!)
I hope your half marathon was a success.
Enjoy France! I don't know if you currently own a bikini or what, but maybe you could look into more full-coverage swimsuits, and get a wrap skirt to wear when you're not in the water?
Wow, that t-shirt is gorgeous! I can't wait to see pictures when you're done.
I hope the appointment with the specialist went well and maybe started to give you some answers.

Lots of love to you dear. You'll be in my thoughts <3 xx

AVY said...

Just thinking of a half marathon makes me tired. I hope you did well, and I'm sure you did.


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