Nothing to say

I have not written in about ten days now because I honestly have nothing worthwhile to say.

My weight stable between 137-138 and not going down.  I know that is my fault, so hopefully with the end of this week being incredibly busy, I will be able to lose even just a pound.

The hurricane did not have much effect here where I live - though my parents got slammed.  Everything was closed for Monday and Tuesday, so it was nice to catch up on knitting and spend time with my roommates.  I did manage to get in a good 4.5 mile run this evening.  The first decent run I have been on since the marathon, and only now, a few hours later, is my foot aching.

Still incredibly sad about Juan.  I wrote him a letter, but I am not sure if I will mail it.  Perhaps sticking it in a drawer will be enough.  If anyone wants to read it, I typed it up after writing, so I could post it here.

No one has purchased anything from my Etsy store yet, but I am confident it will happen soon.  In fact, I am ordering some yarn for Claire, so I can list a vegan (non wool/alpaca/silk) cowl especially for her.  And, I am going to knit up a pretty, warm black one for Lulu, since I know she's been freezing at work - which is a little funny to this northerner, since she lives in toasty Miami :)

I bought myself a few presents lately, mainly to try and fill the Juan void.  The first was a great pair of gently used boots on eBay.  While I maintain a vegan diet, one of my biggest motivations for maintaining a vegan lifestyle is for the environment.  Thus, I am not morally opposed to buying used leather goods in some instances as the impact of leather on the earth is far less than petroleum products.  If I can find a cruelty-free alternative, I am fine with that.  Alas, non-leather boots (cloth or "pleather") just do not hold up to wintry wear and tear.  These are a great pair and I even weather-proofed them, so they can get me through the winter.  Then, I had a bit of a splurge and decided I need a vacation.  I still have a few good friends in San Diego, so I decided to take a long weekend to SD in January.  The tickets were under $400, which is pretty reasonable, especially just after the holidays.  It was a bit out of my normal budget, but I will spread it over two or three months on my credit card and soak up all of the sunshine I can while I am there to make it worth while.  Finally, I have been thinking I should replace the jewelry that Juan gave me. I have two rings from Etsy and a lovely Tiffany's necklace.  Lest you think I am a) made of money or b) totally crazy with no sense of finances, I did not replace all at once.  I bought a lovely handcrafted necklace that I can wear every day and never feel the need to replace.  It will be just like the one in the photo, except with a tiny rough sapphire (my birth stone).  It is a bit extravagant, purchasing all of that on top of my normal expenses, but maybe it will make me feel better.

Sometime in the near-ish future, I hope to replace my perfume too.  I am thinking of selling my nearly-full bottle of D&G La Lune and replacing it with Hermes Eau Claire des Merveilles.  Truthfully, I love the perfume I wear, but Juan gave me my last bottle as a gift, and I know its the perfume he loves.  Maybe changing would be good, right?  The Eau Claire is a bit sophisticated and luxurious smelling, but still youthful. Unfortunately, it is also more expensive, and I absolutely cannot justify it right now.  Especially not with Christmas around the corner and my Etsy store having not sold a thing.  So for now, I will just get a little sample of it each time I browse a Sephora.

Goodness, I hope that doesn't sound like I am trying to brag about what I purchased.  That is not my intention, I simply do not have much else happening in my life except packages arriving in the mail every so often.

Anyway, things are sort of quiet here.  My heart is very hurt and lonely and in the back of my mind I have this kernel of hope that is wishing for him to call.  I do understand that he is finished.  Really, I do.  It is just very hard.  I know that all that I am is not tied to him, but I feel kind of like nothing - not pretty or desirable or kind enough or smart enough or whatever...

7 comments:

Claire said...

Thank you! :) you make me feel very special.
Try not to stress about your weight, it will come down, just take it one day at a time.
I do hope things look brighter soon.
xxx

K said...

I am sad for you. I hate that Juan has such a strong control over your happiness. I love buying myself gifts to get out of a rut. It's probably exactly what you need.

Peridot (G+P) said...

You do need -and DESERVE- to treat yourself!

I went into Knitworld today to see what they had, and I decided that you NEED some of the new Touch lines and that Touch wants us all to be poor and surrounded by gorgeous yarns. Please bear with me, this may take a while (and sale of several internal organs) to pull off.

I like hearing how you've spoiled yourself. It's not bragging at all!

Grrr I want to do unspeakably painful things to Juan for dicking you about like this. Sending you all my love and many many snugglehugs <3

Miranda said...

He won't even talk to you? What a jerk. I have old jewelry from an ex and I haven't worn it in years so I know what you mean about not wanting to keep wearing what he bought you. Somehow it just feels wrong. I don't know if you know this but I live in SD. I would love to meet you when you come if you are comfortable with that. If not...no big deal; we'll always be blogger buddies. If you feel comfortable posting the letter I'd love to read it.

AVY said...

Nevermind us, just say what you want to say.

/Avy

http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

Peridot (G+P) said...

P.S.

I'm so tidying up that intro during editing!

I was trying for something like the introduction in Anna McCaffrey's per series that starts out something like 'Rukbat, a g-type star in the Sagittarian sector. .' but I had the first few sentences in my head for about 2 weeks before I could start writing. Ugh, fail.

The quality of this is going to be SO SHIT compared to last year because of the sleep "therapy" thing. Oh well, 30 days to write then FOREVER to edit. Wait, 24 days to write. AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHh!!!!!!!

Please keep editing ideas coming. They're awesome. And ask questions if something is confusing. Please. Needs to have consistency.

Love you to little bits and pieces <3

Olivia Lee said...

I hope you get out of your head soon, doll.

 

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