Hello 2012

Sorry for the dramatic tone for my last posts.  The last days of 2011 we a complete disaster, to put it simply.

As I mentioned in my last post, I had been counting down the days since September to when I would see Juan again.  I wanted to visit him at Thanksgiving, but he thought it was not a good idea because he had to work and I would have to spend so much money on a plane ticket.  During the Black Friday sales, we found super-cheap tickets from Washington DC to Los Angeles and we both made our purchases.  He was set to arrive on the 30th and leave January 8th.  My ticket is for the weekend just before Valentine's Day.

On Wednesday, Juan explained that he had a meeting with his boss and human resources and was unsure of why they needed to meet with him.  I assumed he just needed to fill out some paperwork, but late at night I received a cryptic text that said something like "I have great news but I don't know what to do :-/"  As you can imagine, I was on edge all the next morning.  Finally, I heard from him around two in the afternoon, and he explained that his boss offered him a huge promotion, but in order to take it, he would have to be in Chicago today.  We discussed it, and obviously the promotion was the right choice, but that does not mean I was not devastated.  Our relationship has been under so much stress lately because of the distance and not seeing each other for so many months.  Even now, we still do not have a plan for seeing each other.  I am hoping that he calls me tonight and we arrange for me to go out there this weekend and stay for most of the week, even if he has to work.  I just miss him so much.

I am terribly afraid that this job is going to make him so busy - he is already consumed with it and barely has time for me - that he won't have time for our relationship at all.  And, he was planning to move here this summer, which obviously will not happen, thus not only delaying us being in the same place, but undeniably delaying our engagement.  I have this horrible feeling the whole thing will snowball, but I am trying to keep my head above water.

Needless to say, my New Year's Eve (my absolute favorite holiday) was terribly depressing.  I cried and watched movies with my cat.  I barely moved from the bed to my couch and back again.

Today, I am feeling much better - I went to my first of twenty Bikram yoga sessions with the Groupon Juan bought me for a studio just a few miles from my house.  It was insanely intense, hot, and sweaty.  Yoga for 90 minutes in a 105 degree room... phew!  I have done that kind of yoga, and some others, but never anything this difficult.  Even when its over (there is no way I can afford to keep going, as their drop in classes are $18 and the unlimited monthly passes are $125/mo - my 20-class pass was only $40) I hope to keep practicing yoga with youtube videos and such.  Tomorrow, I am going to go for my first run in two weeks.  Hopefully, it will not be too cold - if so, I need to just suck it up and get my ass in gear.  Taking a break was good for me, my leg finally feels normal.

And in relatively good news, I was 130.4 this morning (129.4 after breakfast/hydrating/sweaty yoga!) - my dreaded holiday weight gain already gone.  I'm hoping that after that class and eating super clean today (a persimmon and green tea for breakfast, homemade hummus with "low-guilt" tortilla chips for a snack, lunch of a huge salad of romaine, broccoli slaw, roasted peppers, jicama, cucumber, avocado, and snap pea crisps with homemade lemon-tahini dressing, a square of 85% dark chocolate, my new gingerbread coffee, and lots of water) I will be under 130 tomorrow.  I need to get into the 120s and stay there once and for all.  I feel like my goal is attainable this year - 118.  I think I can do it.

How was everyone's holiday?  I am so behind on reading and commenting.  Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me sweet messages of support and love when I was feeling so devastated.  You are all so kind and beautiful. Thank you for understanding.

I think I am going to make my list of resolutions tonight and post about that tomorrow.  Anyone else?