I really am terribly sorry for being away for so long. I have been reading and not commenting on a thing, because as you all know I'm suffering the drastic consequences of a breakup with the man I intended to marry in the not-so-distant future.
So where am I right now?
Well, I went home for about ten days after the break up. I spent some time wit my family, my brother came home on leave from the Navy, and I saw my friends often. I knit a sweater. I didn't exercise even the slightest bit while at home, but started Bikram yoga at a local studio before I left. I have 10 more classes to take and then I'll have to stop, I guess, or maybe go once a month. The studio is VERY expensive. I had a six-week hiatus from running, but I have a 10-mile race in April and soon I am going to register for my first marathon in September. I ran on Tuesday and a slow three miles today. School started on Monday and so far I think it will be a good semester. Fortunately, being a totally broke graduate student is doing wonders for my diet - as I am comfortably at 129 pounds. If I can lose between 10-14 more, I will finally be at my ultimate goal weight. For once, I think it is attainable.
As for Juan - it is really, truly over, unless there is some earth-shifting miracle. He finally confessed that he had been planning to break up with me and had been having doubts since Thanksgiving, but did not want to ruin my Christmas (which he did anyway). He thinks we are ultimately incompatible (amazing, since only a few months ago he was going on wax poetic about how I was the woman he wanted to have a family with). I mailed him the last of his belongings, and once I get my package with my things in it, I guess we never have to speak again. My heart absolutely aches. I miss him so much. I love him every day. I know he is being a royal asshat right now and I do not want to be with someone who chooses his job over me, but we had a wonderful relationship for the past year and a half. Despite all of the traveling and missing one another, we made it work so well, until he chose to be selfish and give his work the attention I deserve. It really just hurts so much and nothing will make it better. I am not completely in the depths of despair, only because I know I have obligations and have to keep living my life. One day at a time.
I am going to get caught up on some blog reading and finally send out some comments and thank-yous to the people who have been incredibly supportive of me through this.
I hope things are going well in this new year for all of you. Each of you deserves to be happy and at peace.
Moi
- désespérée de maigrir
- I hate: my weight. I love: being a vegetarian, France, tulips & poppies, anything by Paul Coehlo, baby animals, gin, knitting, dresses, kirs, cake decorating, Johnny Swim & Matt Nathanson, running, Casablanca, my best friends and family, and an amazing French man who makes everything in this world so much easier to take on
11 comments:
"and give his work the attention I deserve" I'm really glad you recognise that xxx
Glad you are keeping up with your running and plans for marathons and all. You totally deserved that 10 day break from exercise and now you are getting back to it. It certainly is a good thing for him to be up front but that is sooo disappointing for you. You are so busy with school that should keep you occupied. And yes, being broke is great for the diet.
Oh, and hope your Yoga classes don't go to waste. Most of the ones out here give you a minimum time frame in which to use it-which sucks! So be sure to check on that.
I'm so glad to hear from you! I've been thinking of you often and I'm so glad you realise you deserve to be treated with respect, love and attention!
I know this sucks big time but you're right, you've just got to keep going- one day at a time, filling your days with things that made you happy.
Lots of love & positive vibes xxx
Happiness is way bigger than the person you date. Just let it go. I totally compartmentalize that area of my life when its not going the way I thought it would... It makes coping with everything else much easier
Oh my god. In the time I was away I missed your last post. Darling, I'm so so sorry about your breakup. I feel utterly useless as far as giving advice goes, but I didn't want to not say anything, I'm thinking of you love and things WILL improve I promise.
You already seem so brave and strong. I'm proud of you.
Love Isobel xx
Carry on as you have been, fill your days with the things that matter to you. Cry when you need to, but more importantly, laugh whenever you can. You will find happiness again and it will be good. Thinking of you. :)
P.S. I changed my e mail, so it might appear as if my blog is gone. Follow this comment to find it.
Now is the time to do what you want to do. The things that make you really truly happy (and not the messed-up kind of happy, does that make sense?) that you may not have been able to do because Juan was in the picture.
I'm so gutted that this happened, but this shows that while you two were a significant chapter in each other's lives, it wasn't the entire plot and that story arc has come to a close. Time for the next one? A Dese Resplendent.
I wish I lived closer so I could come round for a girly movie night, or we could just get really drunk and bash on our exs. Very therapeutic? ^.^;
Love you so very very much. Lots of internet hugs <3
I'm so sorry love. Glad u took sometime away with family but now u just need to focus on you.
Sam
The ten days will have done you good and I'm sure you will be able to achieve your gw :)
I'm glad you realise that you deserve to be with someone that puts you first, and although it's hard now it will get easier :) stay strong and you will be happy again :)
Lottie x
P.S.
Thank you so much for taking the time to stop past and leave a comment. You are wonderful <3
Omg moebius scare me I'm tempted, but always shy away. Have you seen Klein Bottle Hats? So cool!
I'm working on the FIRST EVER thing for my Felt shop. (Felt is the NZ version of Etsy XD) I reserved the name last year but haven't put anything in it. . .EVER! This has to change!
Happy knitting and lots of love to you <3
I'm sorry you're still feeling down, but it sounds like you're in the right mindset about the whole thing--it sucks, but you're still living your life. That's all we can do, I suppose! Throw yourself into your studies. You most definitely deserve more attention, and someone is going to come along who gives you all of that and more. <3
xoxoxo
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