Feeling lost

I feel completely lost right now.  I have not told anyone because I do not want people to be worried about me.  At least I can write it here and know that at the very least one person might read it and send a positive thought or a prayer my way.

Weight wise, I'm sitting between 129-130.something for the past week.  I am actually somewhat grateful, considering I have been under some stress and have sort of just been scrounging whatever I can find to eat and neglecting my food journal.  I still have seven yoga classes left, which is good, because I have not been running much.  I think my body needed a break after running almost daily for 11 months.  I am having some odd intercostal chest muscle pain (the muscles in between your ribs) that will not seem to go away.  On Sunday, I had a great run - 6.3 miles in 53 min, not too shabby for more than six weeks off.  But since then I have not felt in the right place to run.  I think I am just going to enjoy what is left of my yoga classes and pick back up with a serious running regimen when I return from my Seattle trip.

I am not sure if I mentioned that around here, but I had a ticket to visit Juan for next weekend, but my younger brother kindly paid for me to change it to come visit him in Seattle (he is in the Navy and stationed there).  So, next Friday I leave for a long weekend.

And one more piece of news... Before I go away, I am starting a new job at a law firm in town.  It's an office assistant position of 9+ hours per week in the afternoons before I have to be in class.  The job is very well matched for my needs, and while I was the last candidate interviewed yesterday, the office manager offered me the position on the spot.  I called her a few minutes ago to accept and start next week.

The local yarn store is also looking to hire me, hopefully for a day or two per week or on the weekends.  I just need to piece together a few odd jobs and pick up some babysitting to be able to make it through the summer.  I finished my first piece for my Etsy store - which once it is truly up and running, I will post the link here in case anyone wants to browse - but have a hat and a little cowl to finish for my brother and mother before I knit more things for the shop.  I asked my grandmother to invest in my shop, and she lent me $100 to buy yarn.  Hopefully, with my busy school schedule I can find time to do all of this.  School is already busier than last semester and my research assistant position is more demanding too.

Sometimes I feel like a chicken running around with my head cut off.  I miss feeling secure and like I had someone who I could depend on for absolutely anything.


Miranda said...

It's good you are keeping busy to keep your mind off of Juan as much as possible. Nope you don't deserve to be ignored that way. A nice weekend with your brother will be good for you and Yoga can help keep you calm & centered. Congrats on that job offer!!

Does It Even Matter said...

I am so sorry you are hurting hunni. Break ups are so hard especially when the boys treats us so shitty. I hope you feel better soon and maybe find someone who treats you like you deserve, when you are ready of course. *hugs*

Congrats on the new job!! It sounds great!! Good luck!!

Adeline said...

My heart is going out to you darling. I have a feeling there is little I can say to help in any way, but please do remember to have some down time and look after yourself.

Thinking of you often,
Adeline xx

Megan said...

prayers for you...I am going through a similar situation. My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. He went from the man I knew and loved to someone completely different, cold and distant. It's devastating. I understand how you feel. I didn't know one's heart could literally hurt this much :( The best thing you can do is stay busy. Obviously if they treat us this way after everything there is something wrong with them, not us. Boys truly are different than girls. They have a funny way of expressing emotion. I'm sorry you have to go through this too xx

Claire said...

oh hun *hugs* keep busy but make sure you have enough time to rebuild and nurture yourself too.
Try not to stress about your stuff, it will come.
Congratulations on your new job/jobs! :) I hope you feel better soon & enjoy your weekend with your brother. All the best, love, prayers and positive vibes xxxxxxxxx

Peridot (G+P) said...

Love, he's being a total dickwad. He'd better post your stuff soon or I'll go round and collect it myself, with some rugby players to "help".

Would you like to do a yarn swap so you get some tasty foreign yarns to knit with for your store? I can't wait for you to get the link up. NOW I TELLS YA!

Take care and do things you want to do. You need to invest some time in nurturing yourself, coz you are worth love and nurture and all good things.


Sam said...

Thinking of you and will def send a prayer your way.
Congrats on the job, good things are coming to you just wait. Have a great time with you brother, what a good choice for the tickets!


Mich said...

I'm sorry about Juan. :( That's ridiculous he's being like that.

Congrats on the job, tho!! Welcome to the wonderful world of lawyers.

Keep running, even if it feels like you're doing it without a head. You'l find something good. You're too good yourself not to. <3 <3


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