Knockout invited me to fast with her today.

I had dinner plans to grab sushi with friends tonight, but I already texted my one friend to say that I was not feeling well and would not be attending.

I am beginning at a horrifically high weight (128.8) and I will not even drink anything until I get home from church and go for a run.  It is currently pouring outside, so I may run on the treadmill (yuck!).  Actually, I may just bundle up in my raincoat and old shoes and run in the rain.  Running in the rain is cathartic and makes me feel even more accomplished.

I am so sorry for a) being mopey and b) letting everyone down.  Just the other day, someone commented that they thought the photo of my collar bone was thinspirational.  ME!  And now, look at me.  Gaining.  I have to get to 125 before Friday.   I just have to.

When I get home, maybe I'll search for some new thinspo for a bit and make a nice long post.  I need to get it together.  128.  SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS HAPPENING???

Update:  I really don't want to run now.  The weather is simply dreadful.  I am currently drinking a gigantic mug of tea and I had one singular saltine (and holy communion this morning in church).  After I finish my tea, I'll see how I feel and maybe I'll get out there.  I normally love running, but now that I am in an overall bad mood and have lower energy, I do not think it is going to happen today.

Update:  I broke my fast at about 9:45pm (more than 24 hours) with a small spinach salad with 2T hummus and spicy tomatoes (no dressing).  I really hope I'm back down to 126-127 tomorrow.  Pray for me.


VictoriaCrimson said...

I'm going to join in the fast with you two :] I was planning on it anyway, but hey! Let's make a party of it :D Good luck, I know you can get there by friday. You can you can!!


Erin Rose said...

good luck with your fast. I am sorry you ar feeling bad! and no, you are not being a disappointment. I only hope you feel better!

UGH dont feel like you are alone with your weight. somehow I am at 130.6 WHAT.

have fun looking for thinspo! (you have probably already heard of it) always has new pics every day.


Nerisaga said...

We have good day, we have bad days.
And I think we, people with disorders, are allowed to have bad days too.

1. Juan won't care about your weight, that's all in your mind. (I used to have a LDR too - but we are currently living together...and trust me, it doesn't matter.)
2. There's always time to START over again, which you are doing with the fast.
3. It's totally OK to be mopey, in fact, the whole WORLD should feel SORRY for all the mopey people. That's just how it is. : )

Please stay strong!

Mich said...

You're not letting us down! Weekend gains are a b*tch, but sh*t happens. All we can do is pick ourselves back up and try harder. And you WILL get down to 125!

Good luck on your fast. <3

Cinnamon Brown said...

1) You are more than entitled to feel mopey. 2) You are not letting me down.

Enjoy your run. I need to get my fat arse into gear, I'm spreading out like a walrus! Yikes!

Thinking of you. XXX.

Tai said...

I hope you succeed in your fast! Be careful running in the rain, you don't want to catch a cold or Pneumonia.

Alice D said...

Oi! Be kind to yourself or I'll kick your butt, missy! You're not letting anyone down. Seriously, you are amazing. If I had the determination to get up and run as far as you do when you do, I'd be so proud of myself. Remind yourself every once and a while that as humans, we aren't perfect. I hate seeing you be so mean to yourself, because you're beautiful. You are! <3 I know you probably won't believe me, but you are. I truly mean that. You're inspiring. <3

A Quiet Battle said...

Hoping you're feeling a little better. : ( Take care of yourself.


Design in CSS by TemplateWorld and sponsored by SmashingMagazine
Blogger Template created by Deluxe Templates