Could be worse

I'm really surprised, but I weighed 138 this morning. I was expecting the worst, so while I'm not happy with that number overall, given the circumstances I'm ok with it for today.

I haven't had any food yet today, only a small glass of juice (100) and I did 4.4 miles with my dogs this morning. Granted, my post run, no-intake weight is low because I'm dehydrated.

Tomorrow, I'm leaving for RI/Boston, so I'll probably just live off of coffee and rice cakes. I need to be able to drive without feeling light headed, so I'll have to eat something.

I am baking for a wedding outside of Sacramento for July 31st, so I really need to be 130 or less by then. The bride just sent me the website of her photographer who did her and her fiancé's engagement shoot - she also did a "boudoir" shoot as a wedding gift for her future husband. I won't tell who which one is my friend, but she is absurdly tiny and gorgeous. There's a mix of body types on here - they're real women, un-retouched - but I looked through all of them, and there is certainly some thinspo.

I talked to my ex, Juan, for a little bit last night and I was being really emotional and probably annoying. I need to just put my life together so even if he is missing, I am basically happy. Being depressed and dissatisfied is not attractive at all and for some reason I am still holding on to the totally irrational notion that he might wake up and apologize...



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