What should we talk about?

Over and over in my mind I have been mulling writing this post.

Should I talk about my recent trip to Bretagne?

Or about the fact that both of my grandmothers passed away within the past month?

Or should I talk about how strangely good I have been feeling with my body and how normally and generally healthfully I have been eating?

How I have managed to break my habit of stepping on the scale multiple times a day?

How I have stopped counting every last calorie and feeling guilty about it?

How I had a piece of cake at work for my second breakfast?  And how I didn't gain weight as a result?

Or that I have actually managed to lose two pounds without trying at all?

Or maybe that I am starting to believe my beloved boyfriend when he says he is attracted to me and finds me beautiful?

Or what about the fact that I am running faster and stronger?

Honestly, I have no idea what has come over me in the past few weeks.  I feel sort of at peace with my body for the first time in so many years.  I have no idea what this feeling has washed over me, but I am trying to enjoy it while it lasts, since I have no idea how long it may stay.

There's not much else to add, except that for once I feel centered.  So I am going to leave you all with some photos from my latest romantic adventures in Bretagne and comment on your blogs.

 

 

 

Much better today

I feel 100% better today.

Sometimes, a nice long sleep is what you need to shake off a bad few days. Today, the sun is shining and it is not so cold. I took Lucy for a 3.5 mile run and felt so good afterward. 129.2 after my run (I forgot to weight before).

I did the grocery shopping for my family, and picked up healthy food and lots of drinks. Baby greens and baby spinach, roasted red peppers, sundried tomatoes, baby carrots, hummus, jam, rice cakes, soy yogurt, orange/pineapple juice, pomegranates, pears, tangerines and lots of seltzer, in addition to the other things my family requested. I love when I can control what food enters the house (I never buy candy or anything like that) because I remove the temptations.

Since I woke up late, I did not eat breakfast, so I just had my first meal of the day, a mixed green salad with 6 or 7 Morningstar Chick'n strips, roasted red pepper slices, one tangerine, a few sundried tomato slices and my home-made low-fat vinaigrette. I can feel that today is going to be a great day and the numbers on the scale tomorrow will prove it.

Thank you Amy, Mich, Ariana, Bones Are Pure, Aina, Cinnamon Brown, & Trinity for being so kind to me lately. Your encouragement makes such a difference when I'm feeling down.

Adeline, stay strong dearest. We are all struggling together - chin up. We are here for you and you have been doing amazingly lately. (((hug)))

Downward trend

I lost again - 135.2 after taking my dogs for a two mile walk. Such a relief to see that my efforts are paying off.

I essentially skipped breakfast, had a peach and coffee mid-morning. I am baking for two different occasions for today/tomorrow, so I did taste-test some frosting/batter, and eat 3/4 of a cupcake (made with beets! so at least it wasn't completely devoid of nutrition) I may eat one of the carrot cupcakes I made because I'm test-baking for a wedding, and need to see how they turned out. Or, I may split one with my mom and then get everyone else's opinions... that sounds like a better plan actually.

Juan was texting me all day yesterday and then we Skyped. I miss him so much - he won't admit it, but I know he misses me too. Why can't we just be together??

Falling

136.2 - FINALLY the numbers are really going down.

I love the high you get from losing weight. I feel so good this morning knowing that my clothes fit looser.

I'm only working a half-day today, so I need to be careful with my intake. It's easy for me not to eat at work, but when I'm at home, it's a little different.

For breakfast I had two rice cakes (80) with less than 2 T better'n peanut butter (<100 and="" blueberries="" p="">
It's such a relief to be having a good day, for once...

Could be worse

I'm really surprised, but I weighed 138 this morning. I was expecting the worst, so while I'm not happy with that number overall, given the circumstances I'm ok with it for today.

I haven't had any food yet today, only a small glass of juice (100) and I did 4.4 miles with my dogs this morning. Granted, my post run, no-intake weight is low because I'm dehydrated.

Tomorrow, I'm leaving for RI/Boston, so I'll probably just live off of coffee and rice cakes. I need to be able to drive without feeling light headed, so I'll have to eat something.

I am baking for a wedding outside of Sacramento for July 31st, so I really need to be 130 or less by then. The bride just sent me the website of her photographer who did her and her fiancé's engagement shoot - she also did a "boudoir" shoot as a wedding gift for her future husband. I won't tell who which one is my friend, but she is absurdly tiny and gorgeous. There's a mix of body types on here - they're real women, un-retouched - but I looked through all of them, and there is certainly some thinspo.

I talked to my ex, Juan, for a little bit last night and I was being really emotional and probably annoying. I need to just put my life together so even if he is missing, I am basically happy. Being depressed and dissatisfied is not attractive at all and for some reason I am still holding on to the totally irrational notion that he might wake up and apologize...